I’m managing to have more fun when it comes to Sigehold socials and social Empire roleplay but they are absolutely the thing that has written large to my psyche quite how disconnected I was feeling. The wild disassociation of a mental break is like nothing I’ve experienced previously but negotiating what part of my psyche … Read More
Today I had a very surreal experience. I was at work and I suddenly came over wanting to cry but obviously couldn’t so I tried to concentrate on work and felt like I’d divided myself in two and one of me was screaming in a tiny room. It was so real, it was like I … Read More
(Content Warning – description of seeing a suicide attempt. A lot of rambling and a lot of Mental health stuff) About six months ago I saw a girl in school uniform hanging from barbed wire under a bridge. And it totally wrecked me. I’ve been doing a lot of therapy. I’ve been doing a lot … Read More
Fucking hell. I, and – fuck it I can’t be the only one – a whole chunk of my generation, have had some bad luck when it comes to children’s tv presenters. Jimmy Saville was just too fucked up for words but at least it was – in hindsight for those of us viewers who … Read More
Today I’m exhausted and in pain. Dancing on Saturday was great but oh I’m still paying for it in codeine. I’ve been doing trauma work for about six months now and it I dunno ramped up a notch? This last week. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted as well as physically. Honestly I’ve been making progress … Read More
(Content Warning: Mental Health stuff including mentioning suicidal ideation) I have been Depressed pretty much as long as I can remember, I have a name for it even, The Swamp. Maybe the stuff pre seven years old wasn’t Depression per se but some of those thoughts are at the very least concerning with hindsight. This … Read More
(Content Warning – Discussion of mental health and ASD) The time before this one that I was in therapy and the first time I went into Sertraline was all to do with dulled emotional responses or emotional responses in the wrong places. Well therapy this time around has me thinking that something linked is going … Read More
I called in sick to work this morning, at least partly because of the weird (wyrd?) episode I had on Tuesday. Immediately I did so I felt guilty, pulling a sicky when you work one to one with disabled people is absolutely not on. Then I couldn’t get out of bed. Not in a Depression … Read More
(More mental health stuff) This entry was supposed to be happy verging on triumphant all about how I had cleaned the toilet for the first time since Dad died. (Yes I have not cleaned the toilet in a little over three years). I would like to point out for hygiene reasons that I do live … Read More
I think that I’m naturally quite a cheerful and confident person. I suspect that seems ridiculous to assert but I really do see my Depression, complete with its suicide ideation, as being separate to my self. The way I’ve always dealt with it, from my teens until present day, is by seeing it as a … Read More
