I think I might be Depressed. But that doesn’t feel right to be honest, I feel somehow dissociated from my own self. None of this feels like The Swamp, I’ve been managed my own Depression pretty well and this doesn’t feel right. My willpower is pretty shot right now, I know that I have excess … Read More
Something strange happened at the weekend which I didn’t notice at the time. I asked someone how many partners they had, they said five serious and two play and I said whew that’s too many. The thing is, that didn’t used to be, for me I mean obviously. I’m not even talking pre-Jellicle when it … Read More
(Content warning Frank descriptions of my thoughts and feelings about the weekend just past) Seeing them hurt. Seeing them and realising how bad my mental health had been last year really hurt. I mean it’s still pretty bad, I’m still being stupidly gentle with myself to try and make sure the basics are happening or … Read More
I just got off FaceTime to my Mum in which I did a reasonable impersonation of snorting cocaine slightly to the side of the screen. This is obviously because today I got a prescription for Lisdexamfetamine and the doctor had to give me a briefing about not taking illegal drugs or alcohol with it. I … Read More
(Content Warning – discussion of suicidal ideation, remember the Samaritans are always there for you 116 123) Usually when I stay in Glasgow I end up at the Leonardo on a last minute offer because it’s pretty much unused over a weekend. This weekend that has not happened and I went for the cheapest option … Read More
(Content warning – yet more mental health navel gazing, mention of roleplaying sexual assault) Dissociation is something that in reflection I’ve always been trying to avoid, things that ground me are things that I enjoy doing and they’re largely physical. I’ve always struggled not to paint with my fingers and to wear gloves when I’m … Read More
When I started work for Hijinks I began to see how mental and physical health intersected. I got a really good primer for how to operate when my chronic fatigue meant I had to stay in bed and do all the things my body would associate with Depression. In all honesty I’m just constantly picking … Read More
I dissociate, I dissociate a lot and when I get stressed I dissociate even more. It’s a real problem and it got a lot worse over the pandemic. Ok, it’s not a problem when I go to the dentist, at the dentist it’s actually massively useful because then I don’t freak out about the horrible … Read More
(Content Warning: Mental Health navel gazing) Today I got up and made two types of onigiri, some dango and not a great version of Mochi. As is traditional the Jellicle and I were late to get to the picnic under the cherry blossom and DS Luke, Arg Mike and The Live Rep were there before … Read More
One of the harder things about having Chronic Fatigue is knowing where it came from. See when I was eighteen I had Glandular Fever and then it kept coming back – despite various doctors telling me that this didn’t happen and I just had a bad cold. Or, memorably that I had glandular fever right … Read More
