Help! Help! I’m the little phone who cried wolf

So, I have an emergency function on my phone, basically if I’m in an emergency I click a button four times and it sends an emergency text to The Jellicle, FJ, Princess Lex and M-i-L. Now, when I was setting it up I did sort of wonder, what happens if it goes wrong and sends all the time, not very much use in an emergency. But it’s been months now and I’d pretty much forgotten about it.

Except that today, whilst I’m shopping in town I was crossing the road, between Sainsburys and the bus station, ok, I was not on a proper crossing, but I was looking right – you know, on a one way street where all the traffic comes from the right. A cyclist runs into me when I’m most of the way across, knocking me over and spilling my bags (I’d been shopping). He then swears at me, ‘fucking retarded cunt’ being the exact phrasing he used and cycles off into the oncoming traffic, because yes, I am the retarded one here, it was totally my fault for not seeing him speeding up on me from the left on this one way street.

Gah. Picked up my bags with one of the drivers from the station who’d come out for a fag and seen what happened and who got me nicely settled on a bus back to Chamber Town. I then sat and fumed for a few seconds silently when my phone suddenly goes mad. I take it out of my pocket assuming there must be a text message as it’s vibrating like I’ve never seen before.
No text message.
I try and open it up and see what’s going on but the keypad is rendered suddenly useless apart from the 9 key which seems weird.
Then I start getting calls coming through. I notice that the big red button icon is flashing and ask M-i-L if my emergency text has just gone out…


No, no emergency, I’m fine.

Sorry about that.

On the otherhand, at least I know it works now…

8 thoughts on “Help! Help! I’m the little phone who cried wolf

  1. Was it the tricky patch of road by the Bobbin, which is one-way for cars, but one-way for bikes in the opposite direction, like Middle St? That’s nearly caught me out before!

  2. The 9-key never locks on most mobile phones, so that you can dial 999 without having to unlock the keypad first.

    The number of times I’ve had to yell, "Could you pick up the phone please?"

    Fortunately, with mobiles, you can just get the operator to clear the line, ring them back and embarrass them in front of their friends.

  3. Many cyclists are arrogant twats who have no regard for other people or road users. Sadly unless we get to the point that they all need to have insurance, that’s unlikely to change.

    Glad that you’re okay though.

  4. Iris and I used to walk along a twopath in Bolton-le-Sands. Now there are signs on this towpath that cyclists must have a permit to cycle along it and that when they come to a bridge they should dismount and WALK under the bridge.

    The number of times we were nearly run into by idiot cyclists who sped under the bridges is insane. A lot of the bridges were blind turns too so they couldn’t see what was coming the other way.

    Had a shouting match with one particular idiot about it actually because we refused to move out of the way, since we had right of way.

  5. And the worst thing is, cyclists are loathed by drivers and pedestrians alike, because of this minority of arseholes.

Leave a Reply