Some thoughts about what I’m wearing and if that should affect how you interact with me:
If I’m wearing an obscenely small skirt then I don’t really care if you don’t look but I kind of like it when you do. If I wear a corset that makes my boobs seem huge and then walk down the street…chances are I’m enjoying the stares. Now…this being me there’s also a chance I’ve forgotten what I’m wearing, but if that’s the case then I’m not really going to mind even though it was unintentional – my silly mistake to go out wearing something that eye-popping.
Also, not every woman thinks like me, and frankly sometimes you’ve just got to grab whatever’s clean even if it’s going to encourage stares. However, there is definitely an exhibitionist streak in me, I usually like to be looked at and dress appropriately when this is the case.
I admit to finding it kind of cute when men avert their eyes politely (Spike, The Teenage Boy, I’m talking about you) and largely regard it as a free choice if they choose to do so…but then I’m the sort of woman who’s likely to tell someone who’s making me uncomfortable to stop staring, and in those cases it’s not so much the staring that bothers me as the manner of it.
Having said I’m up for being looked at, I’m up for being looked at appreciatively, if someone wants to look and thing behind their eyes, ‘I’d like to take her home and…/get a feel of those…/do X to her.’ I’m fine with that. If someone sees the very fact that I enjoy being looked at as being a bad thing then no, it’s not ok to stare when you’re very obviously thinking ‘Gods, how pathetic/what a slut/I bet she’d let me do X’.
I enjoy wolf-whistles from builders. Derogatory comments then no, not so much. I’m not saying anything particularly inflammatory here, I enjoying being out there in the world and when I am I like to have a positive reaction. Sometimes I have to put up with a negative reaction and I don’t like that so much. It’s the line though, that I’m interested in. I have no problem with positive comments that others would find quite personal. I have no issue with a friend telling me that seeing me dressed as a sexy bunny is hot. Depending on the relationship they could even go a little further, I have no problem with a complete stranger telling me that seeing me dressed as a sexy bunny is hot. If they want to use that as a start point for a conversation then I’m probably not that interested.
I think what it comes down to is flirtation, sexually charged comments and positivity is fun for me within the context of my relationships with other people. Anyone seeing this as an excuse to treat me as an unpaid prostitute, a second class citizen or that this is an excuse to be negative about me is getting it wrong. Enjoying attention does not mean you get to look down on me, it’s not the same as needing attention or getting validation from casual sex (oh…casual sex how I miss you…different rant). It also doesn’t mean I cheat or do any of the other things that apparently people assume it does mean.