At some point in Ghost in the Shell: Stand-Alone Complex the Major talks about why she has a watch on her wrist, an analogue one at that. I have all sorts of things in this house that help me to remember, things that wrap me up in the people and experiences that I have had. … Read More
2020 was a study in grief for me, an understanding of the sheer heaviness of it, the shaking emotion of it. Every day I had to remind myself in the morning that my father was dead, because I was terrified that I would forget and try to call him or have to relive the initial … Read More
I’m pretty fucking angry right now. Today I was explaining to someone that I had worked throughout the pandemic. I was asked if I worked retail. No… I was asked if I worked in healthcare, specifically the first question was if I was a nurse. No… I explained I was a support worker. Oh like … Read More
Really early on this year I learnt something strange about myself, that when someone I know how to touch dies, my hands mourn. Dudge died before he got to my promised massage and I found that my hands could feel him. Were mapping out how to touch him, could feel were to pull back and … Read More
(Content Warning: Attempted Suicide, Violence, gory description, mentions of my own problems with suicidal ideation) FJ and I sat down tonight and drank the last of my good whisky. I had about a triple I suspect. I haven’t needed a drink like that in a long time but tonight I really did. I need to … Read More
*(Content Warning – I do mention real world death, mostly it’s me rambling about the game though, there’s a lot of IC sex-scandals and some slut shaming oh then things went really mad over the mafia)* Yeah, it’s that game again. The Forever and Ever version… three days for this stuff to get completely mad… … Read More
I’m at a bar in Lancaster, theres about twelve of us meeting up because all the WoW players have heard about this new FestLARP called Empire and we’re talking about setting up a group. There’s someone who isn’t there who is mentioned enough that it feels like there’s an empty chair near the bar. He’s … Read More
(Content Warning: I have included a link to a picture of someone falling from the towers behind the words “one person plunge”) Did you know, I’ve never written about September the 11th on here? Or nothing that’s stuck at any rate. Given the various server drops this blog’s anniversary turns out to be eighteen years … Read More
I am struggling to be motivated to do much of anything right now. The pandemic is almost over and I’ve been living in a state of reasonably high alert for over a year now. I know all the things I should be doing to combat this stress reaction, hell I’ve even been able to do … Read More
I love The Princess but her attitude to death I find weird. It really bugged me her not wanting to talk about the serious bits after Dad died and how she actively flinched from his box of ashes. I’ve been thinking a lot about death this week because it’s been a year since Dad died. … Read More
