Fighting Fate

‘Open your heart Mish. Trust to fate rather than fighting against it for once in your life. It might be worth it. And if it isn’t, you’re no worse off at the end. You’re hurting now, so why is a fear of hurting preventing you from doing something to end the hurt?’

Posted by Erfalaswen @ 11/02

My heart’s open honey. My hearts never been closed there are new people flooding into it every year. Trust in fate? Fate would have me at some snotty posh approved by my parents university doing somesort of humanities degree and probably a masters by now. Fate’d have me clothed in exactly the same sort of relationship garb as everyone else. I’d probably have a relatively nice boyfriend, maybe plans to move in together even be assuming wedding and kids.

Well fuck that I plan to be immortal. I plan to do everything that I want to do. I plan to love as fiercely as I know how and I plan to hurt. I’m hurting now? I’ve hurt before, I’ll hurt again and I will bloody use the hurt. Afraid to do something? Yeah perhaps I was, more afraid than I’ve ever been…but ‘Fear is the mind-killer, fear is the litle death that brings total obliteration. I have faced my fear. I have permitted it to pass over me and through me. And now it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see it’s path. Where fear has gone there will be nothing, Nothing. Only I will remain.’

And I do remain and I know my path and I will fight fate; I will be immortal, I will use this hurt and I will never lie back and lose whatever spark I have be it the smallest light known to man. Oh and Miss UD? I have no plans in ever accepting the path that is laid out for me. I will find my own way and fuck the hurt.

7 thoughts on “Fighting Fate

  1. No one laid out this path for you but yourself. You think there’s some kind of outside power controlling who you fall for?

    Bullshit. It’s ~you~. Your preferences. Your tastes. Your unconscious choice.

    What the fuck’s this ‘immortal’ crap anyway? Why do you have to be single and miserable to be immortal? Why does having a boyfriend turn you into a doomed-to-die mortal? Why does having someone in your life who cares about you, and who you care about, have to prevent you from making your own future?

  2. Hmm, just read your response to a few entries back, addressed to both me and Erfalaswen… this wasn’t the right time then.

    The above (below? Why does this diary post all the comments in reverse order?) comment was written before reading that. I stand by it though – you overemphasise what other people expect of you. No one expects you to settle down and raise kids while wearing a gingham dress, behind a neat white picket fence.

    Even so, you deliberately try to distance yourself from a stereotyped future that you’ve made up for yourself and that no one can ever see you getting drawn into anyway, which seems pretty bloody pointless, considering all the heartache it has caused in the past, and will cause in the future.

  3. Fate would have me at some snotty posh approved by my parents university doing somesort of humanities degree and probably a masters by now. Fate’d have me clothed in exactly the same sort of relationship garb as everyone else. I’d probably have a relatively nice boyfriend, maybe plans to move in together even be assuming wedding and kids.

    That’s not fate. That’s social norms. That’s what is accepted by society as the ‘right thing to do’. Society doesn’t necessarily include us in this sense. It includes authority figures. Teachers, parents, the government. Middle class white men’s views of respectibility. I say again, that is not fate.

    Fate is the path you are destined to be happy in. Not the path that you are going to be forced into.

    ‘Fate’ as a word has so many negative connotations but I can’t think of another word to better describe what I mean. ‘destiny’ perhaps, but that implies no choice, which is not what I mean.

    Fate, to me, is that path that all your choices and tastes are pointing you towards. It’s the path where there is no more hurt and no more struggle. It’s happiness. It’s not a trap. It’s not ‘settling for less’. It’s just contentment. And that, whatever some people may believe, is not always a bad thing.

    I guess what I really meant to say was trust to happiness. Don’t force yourself into misery to keep your own status quo.

    There are times when people, including you and occasionally including me, make decisions which are, at the time, for the best. However, times change and sometimes the decisions are stuck to out of pride rather than out of necessity.

    All I’m saying is be aware that some decisions you made way back in the second year may cause you pain if you only stick to them out of stubborness. If you are still happy with you life based on these rules, it isn’t a problem.

    But lately you don’t seem to be happy much at all Mish. And all I’m advising is for you to take a good long hard look at why.

  4. Having read you reply to me previous comment, the second half of the one below might not be relevant. However, I stand by most of the first half.

    And the original post? Bit of a disclaimer. That was all good advice based on what you actually *wrote*. In your reply you were a lot closer to saying what actually *happened*, which is very different to what I was commenting on.

    I’m not saying you should confide your inner thought and so forth to this diary. But you have done in the past, so please don’t blame your readers for taking what you write to be an accurate picture. My advice for that situation was good advice. It turns out the situation is different.

    At the risk of stating the obvious: Make your own life. But when you are so open with your invitation for comment, please don’t snap at your friends for trying to advise you.

  5. I hate burst you bubble, mish, but you will never be immortal. You will wither and you will die and then the world will have lost its quotion of mishivity and that will be a terrible loss. This, I’m sorry to say, is the only unavoidable fate. That’s not to say that we don’t make our own fate, because we do, its just that the consequences of our actions are unavoidable and that, along with death are the unavoidable factors that make up our fates.
    When that day comes, and [insert deity] takes you into [insert gender][insert afterlife], will you look back and be pleased with the choices you have made? You seem to think the answer will be yes, and so you need no other justification, no other defence of your actions.

    However, your friends worry about you and your friends care, and sometimes that [insert emotion]leads us to be a bit busybodyish and a bit zealous in the promotion of our ideals.

    No-one is trying to change you, no-one is trying to tell you that you are wrong, its just that none of us wish to see you in pain.

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