A Quiet Corner

I promised myself that I would say no when Dad offered the tipanches. I absolutely promised. Instead, I downed two after starting the day again on absinthe and peppermint liqueur. I’m not sure that it’s them that are responsible for the headache that started after dinner and in fact I’m reasonably sure that that was the champagne (Guy Durand special – quick reccomendation for the Durands vinyard in the Loire Valley near Amboise).

In anycase I am debating with myself whether I shall finish the drinking today, it should probably be pointed out that I’m still drinking, because I’m not at a point where I actually want to say no anytime anyone suggests something. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much gin before today. I suspect I won’t though, since the big ass family meal is tomorrow.

I know that alcohol has played its part in cushioning Royston for me over the past few days and I’m quite chuffed I haven’t become maudlin actually, I wonder quite what the interplay is sometimes between my physical and mental state, the interlinkage is perfectly obvious to my mind but what affects what I don’t know.

Aside from the alcohol this typing away in my Dads quiet little study is a world away from out there in the house, not literally since I just shut the pine door on the little space between the kitchen/dining room and the living room which is really the cupboard under the stairs but I used to call a corridor when I was a kid. Its a bit crowded and theres a clock ticking, Dad’s desk besides me where he’s been doing marking all holiday apart from today and Mum’s piano behind me. I managed to play my way through Fur Elise and a couple of Queen bits and pieces which I was quite proud of. For a couple of months since I came back I was practicing in the Chaplaincy Centre at the uni and then one morning when I thought I wasn’t going to collapse I brought the Jellicle Cat with me and it was that day that they’d locked the pianos. It upset me quite a bit that did.
One day I need to have the space and the money for a piano, just an upright and second hand you know, but something to play on. I miss it so much. But in here the only piano I can hear is echoes of what I know has been played in this room. It smells of polish because theres wood in here, dad’s desk and the piano and the old kitchen table that got bunged in here (and is where this computer sits) which is what really makes the room feel crowded because it’s jammed up agains Dad’s desk and the bookshelf has had to be turned round to accomodate it. I suspect thats why Mum has put the books she doesn’t like Dad having on the lower shelves because I bet they’re practically inaccessible.

Its quiet in here and theres no pressure and no lying or performing.

Shawaddiwaddi came round to visit today, this evening not this morning which was a relatively (compared to some of Dad’s shindigs) subdued gathering despite the flowing of alcohol. Some people who had apparently gotten spectacularly drunk last year didn’t come this year so that meant there wasn’t quite the whole village. I have a private bet with myself that next year will be when they all turn up again and get spectacularly drunk and avoid the next year.

The Princess’s friend, SB came up from Leicester and has been lovely. She blatantly expected to be left out when we came to unwrapping the presents around the tree (and of course we’d all got her stuff because we didn’t want her to feel left out!) I was really pleased that seconds before she opened mine she expressed a liking for homemade peppermint liqueur because mine was a jar! Actually we’ve finished Dads and I’m awaiting approval for mine! After dinner she suggested charades which the others actually needed to explain to me since I’d never played before. Apparently its a big Christmas tradition but we’ve never done it before – it was brilliant fun but the others accused me of making up Carry On movie titles (not my fault they aren’t obsessive Carry On fans). Mum told Dad and me off for doing Leonard Cohen song titles because we’re banned from listening to him (and none of the others had a clue about them). I really like charades and we all got into doing them. In fact I was amazed to discover that the telly didn’t go on until Dr Who.

I quite like this new Doctor, bit of a flirt though.

The creation of families is something I care about a great deal. Spider-lights and dancing, thats the creation of family. I love you all my readers whatever my spidery connection with you. Dance with me a bit.

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