Dedicated to the third Blue Eyes

This is the big Love ramble. Not up for it? (Word of Warning it developed into being a Mish Theory on Life.)
Read some lyrics instead because falling in love for an eternal moment is as perfect as something which lasts years:

Ladies and gentlemen we are floating in space

All I want in lifes a little bit of love
To take the pain away
Getting strong today
A giant step each day
Wise men say
Only fools rush in
Only fools rush in
But I, I can’t help
I can’t help falling
Falling in love with you

I will love you till I die
And I will love you all the time
So please put your sweet hand in mine
And float in space and drift in time

All my time until I die,
Well float in space just you and i
And I will love you till I die
And I will love you all the time
So please put your sweet hand in mine
We’ll float in space just you and i

Wise men say
Only fools rush in
But I can’t help
Falling in love with you

Spiritualised – Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Falling In Space

Falling in love is something that preoccupies me as my regular readers will know. Its something that a large part of my life is dedicated to avoiding or celebrating or knowing. My Gentleman Friend has said before that I treat Love (the Bitch) as something akin to a Goddess…maybe so…this entry is another foray into attempted understanding. It’s going to be long. Recent conversations with FFG, FoxyJonno, the Jellicle Cat, My Gentleman Friend, Mother-In-Law, Man Of Taste, Miss UD and Weasel will probably be referenced.

First of all defining terms; there are not nearly enough words in the English language for love, I’ve blogged about this before. I tend to see there as being two divisions, loving and Being in Love (it will become apparent that these terms are meaningless but I need to define them first). The way that being in Love has crept upon me in past history means I am going to describe her as ‘The Bitch’ from now on.

At around 2pm for about 30 minutes on New Years Eve I suddenly felt a sensation I haven’t felt since I was 15 and the Bitch crept up on me for the first time. The sensation was not actually being raked by her claws, it was a logical fallacy that I had talked myself into by being too narrow in my definitions of loving, love, lust, friendship and the like. However this notion was, although not exactly a new one, one I hadn’t really resolved in my head. Unfortunately trying to explain my epiphany to several people that night I was right royally plastered and not making much sense. It was also akin to something else, but because I tend to do that deliberately I hadn’t made the connection then.

So, definitions of Love and Being in Love. The former is something I feel for my friends, my family etc. The latter is a state I am in caused by my feelings for the Jellicle Cat and My Gentleman Friend. I do not Love all of my friends, I like many of them but there is a line that gets crossed when the deepness of that emotion becomes Love. There are a few people who never started in the Like part of the spectrum but rather that I Love on firstish meeting; Nordic Lady, Mother-In-Law and my ex-Warder are three notable examples of this.

So, lets get rid of sex from the argument first. I am not in Love when I want to have sex with people, in fact I have found that being played with by The Bitch in the past makes me absolutely certain I don’t want to have sex with them because that cements things too much. In Love is a state which never entirely leaves you, I may not like Blue Eyes very much after last summer but the vestiges of that state still remain and I intend to remain friends with him, I can’t imagine existing in an emotional state of being where I am not. Blue Eyes, is a special case because he was a first love. But lets go with the second Blue Eyes (I suspect you know exactly who you are but lets proceed with this charade all the same shall we?), he has occaisionally been cavalier in his treatment of me but not even in the same league as Blue Eyes. I strongly suspect he could murder someone and I’d send letters to his prison cell. I am not in love with these people anymore yet I do not Love them in the same way I do FFG or any of my other friends. However, having once been in that state where the Bitch shook me by my ankles from the ceiling, means that I can never simply like them. There will always be some sort of connection, of knowledge of a part of that person, a spider-light connection that is shared.

I am perfectly happy to have sex with someone I Love or have chemistry with, I view sex whilst being in the grips of The Bitch to be a rather serious thing, because then there is an added dimension that takes us away from the playfullness of sex that I really enjoy. Sex is something that can be played with with people I like, people I love or people I am in love with. It’s different everytime but its all part of a wonderful game, as I have said before, its a part of our adult life where we get to be children and play (and doesn’t it feel good, we don’t even have to take anything illegal to get that sensation!)

The point is though, that I have bought into the central fallacy of Western Society and not even realised I was doing so. I have known about the spider-lights and how good it is to touch and be physical with your friends and I still think that Falling in Love is Forever and set Apart from Friendship and Sex and all the rest of life.

It is, and it isn’t.

Calling Love commonplace really annoys me. It implies a lack of respect for something that is, really quite sacred…and we’re getting close to a central mystic revelation here.

Falling in Love is the closest we get as non-magical users to Magic. But there are other ways of touching the threads of magic and they relate back to friendships and truth and emotional honesty. As soon as you see Love only existing in a sexual relationship (*beats head against wall* I can’t believe I did that – you know who you are who reminded me yesterday that love exists outside of sex), or only existing in a relationship between two people, or only between blood relatives or any of the standard societal examples then you shut yourself off from developing a soul and through that soul any real connection with the world around us.

Ok. So, Magic. This is the way I work magic:
Magic is performed by changing your perception so that you can see the golden threads which flow through everything (every person, every object, every living and dead thing there is), when you can see the thick threads then you can see the (usually) thinner ones that are the spider-light threads, the ones that extend between people and dance with lesser or greater sparkles. When you can see all of this then you pull on the threads to get the desired effect and thats magic.

Everyone can see the threads that flow through everything, everyone can see the spider-lights, but, most people either choose to ignore them or forget that they can. When Falling In Love the sensation is remarkably similar to the change in perspective that occurs in the seconds of Going Into Trance or Beginning The Working. I’m stating this as objectively as I can both from observed facts and also my own experience. Obviously when you Fall in Love the threads that you are most aware of are the Spider-Lights between you and whomever, but, you can also become aware of the others. Unless you work pretty damn hard at it then you tend not to be Falling In Love every moment, you are In Love, which, whilst being a heightened state is not the moment of change which is the split-second in which everything is very noticeable.

Love and being open to Love is the same as Gerald Gardner describes being aware of Magic (by which I take him to mean the Golden Threads). These Golden Threads are not Love, but they pulse with it, they are made up of Magic which is made up of Love, Truth and Beauty. These are not the things which we take them to be in the ordinary scheme of things but the real things. (Might be getting a bit Platonic here) We can feel these things by being open to them and in order to really feel the world around us I feel that we must not tie ourselves up by convention but must feel them and see the web shining out before us. The reason that love exists in many forms is because these threads pulse through us all. By being honest an artist produces the best work he can, same as by being honest a lover loves the best he can, by loving a man can find out the truest truths, by creating beauty a lover loves…etcetc.

I think that we are here on this planet to create souls for ourselves. I think that we are born empty of everything except a spark. It is our duty to ourselves not to crush that spark but to nuture it, to send it out to dance amongst the spider-lights not getting lost on the actions themselves but dancing and growing with the real things. Parts of this life of ours may crush our sparks. It is only by being True to ourselves that we can avoid this. Love can be found but should not be taken on for social reasons. Art can be made by only through inspiration not through petty needs. Truth should be sought for it’s own sake rather than because of the way it will help mankind.

Whew. Um…that got a bit full on towards the end. Um. I hope someone’s still reading. I hope you understood what I’m trying to say.

4 thoughts on “Dedicated to the third Blue Eyes

  1. I know exactly what you mean. I’ve spoken before in the past about the massive difference between loving someone and being ‘in love’ with them. It’s a distinction more people should make, and then perhaps saying the words ‘I love you’ to someone you care about wouldn’t be such a frightening thing to do any more.

  2. Erfie, you’re still vaguely Wiccan aren’t you? So, how do you feel about my equation of ‘Love’ with Gardner’s ‘Magic’?

  3. Vaguely Wiccan yes, but not a very well read one. When I’ve more time and brain power, I’ll read that bit of your post again and let you know more…

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