Not So Good

Kept waking up during the night despite getting to bed in good time and snuggling up between a cuddly Jellicle Cat and a warm hot water bottle.

Mostly anxiety dreams, there was one in which I was convinced it was going to turn into one of the nightmares I used to have regularly (finally I achieve a dreamstate in which I know I’m dreaming and it’s a bloody anxiety based dream). I knew it was a mistake to mention outloud that they seem not to be bothering me anymore.

Lots of dreams based on frustration and me trying and getting nowhere or having entirely the wrong social responses to things.

A lot of screaming. But only actually in the dream for a change so the Jellicle wasn’t disturbed. All the Green Tea in the world isn’t making me any calmer. I’m going to go for a walk.

Honestly, put me in front of a crowd of people and tell me to talk to them and I’m there. Tell me I have an exam tomorrow and I’ve only got tonight to prepare and I’m laughing (no, literally, I have a bizarre enjoyment of exams). Give me a practical test… I’m screwed, I always buggered up piano exams too. And just ask me what my exhibition for my degree got compared with my diss or compared with the exams for that matter… I think this is mostly because I’ve been feeling slightly confident this week, never a good sign if you ask me.

2 thoughts on “Not So Good

  1. *offers sympathetic hugs*

    I’m more the other way round, I hate talking to groups of people and would far rather build something (either physically or in code).

    Best of luck to you today in any case though

  2. Thinking of you flower.

    This may sound odd, but try visualising a plain yellow square on a black background. It’s the Earth tattva, good for grounding.

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