I just got called a slag. Well, not just actually, I was apparently called a slag pretty much in front of me about six months ago but apparently didn’t notice.
I pretty much felt like “what?”, are you kidding? Did we slip back several years?Are you twelve? I then listened in horror as this person’s opinions of me (apparently widely said) were recounted. Now I’m pretty oblivious much of the time but I kind of felt a need rise in me to set my stall out on the internet once more (haven’t done this in a while).
So. Let’s go.
I have been promiscuous in my life. I feel no shame for this, in fact I think I was entirely ethical in my behaviour (yes, I really hate ‘The Ethical Slut‘ because I don’t like the word ‘slut’ but if you want a guide to doing things ethically then it’s a good start). I didn’t base my behaviour off a book, I based it off the fact that I had cheated on my long-distance boyfriend. I felt ashamed about it but I also knew that I wanted to act on my sex drive (which was high) and felt there was no reason not to. So, the boyfriend and I split up and I declared relationships to be the root of all evil and slept around with whoever I felt like. (Assuming they did too).
Everyone knew I wasn’t up for a relationship, everyone knew I was sleeping with multiple people. At the suggestion and request of friends I stopped doing one night stands and began taking ‘lovers’. People I was friends with and slept with, I didn’t and still don’t like the terms ‘friends with benefits’ or ‘fuckbuddies’ , my lovers I mostly still have good relationships with. Small ‘r’.
Now back then it was not uncommon for people to make negative moral judgements over my life and the way I lived it. Being called a slag back then, not a surprise, and not a surprise for me to ‘rargh‘ about it.
Lets roll forwards a bit.
I have a trans partner with whom I share a house (I mention the trans because it explains why my pronouns occasionally become confused). The Jellicle (said trans partner) has a boyfriend who stays over on occaision. I also have a boyfriend who goes through spates of practically living with us. The Jellicle and I have a polyamorous relationship which states that we’re to have functional emotional relationships with people we’re intimate with and we should know beforehand if it’s going further than kissing. With Weasel it’s more making sure we give each other a heads-up.
The last woman I kissed was also the last woman I slept with and she has previously declared herself to be allergic to the term ‘lover’, I’m not in any sort of relationship with her but we occasionally enjoy kissing. I currently don’t have any regular lovers, but I do miss sex with a cis-woman…so in the back of my mind is the hope that I’ll find one I don’t make a complete idiot of myself over. (I have the romantic success with most women of an under-socialised teenage boy, luckily the Jellicle had some sympathy with this).
So…a slag? Having open and honest relationships with the two people I’m sleeping with and kissing anyone who feels like it? I disagree.