I always start the eyar full of good intentions, I’m going to get organised, I’m going to tidy the house, write all the things and become better at managing money. What has happened every year since about 2009 is that I’ve whizzed around until I collapsed.
I find it very difficult to manage the weird fatigue that builds up from doing things. I can’t tell it’s coming most of the time and that is really annoying. Undoubtedly my job has added to my tiredness through being stress causing. but I’m hopeful this year, I am much less stressed than I was. At least part of that is through my job being in a better situation than it was.
But it’s also through writing more again. I find it strange that having a Muse matters to me, as does the relationship with that Muse. It’s not solely about being inspired by that person either. I need absolutely to believe that someone is watching me create stuff. Ultimately I think that when the belief that what is created is of no interest to the person who inspired it (and with me it is almost always a person) then I find it incredibly difficult to raise pen to paper. Or fingers to keyboard.
For someone who enjoys her solitude I am weirdly dependent upon other people.