I feel so spaced.
Everyone was moving today. FFG to the Jellicle’s place, Wrong Mike to mine except that it’s not mine anymore because all my stuff left to live at Ell and Zoes. It needs to be sorted through now, all my possesions no longer my possessions, my room no longer my room and unable to return to a place called home long ago because my parents have gone on holiday.
We’re all existing in some sort of limbo, dancing around each other, Foxy Jonno and Princess Lex move later this week. Changing partners moving again, houses, rooms, down the street, across town, over there, upstairs, up here, along one and two are plain.
But this is my last dance.
A nun asked me her way earlier. I looked so settled here that she thought I lived here, Foxy Jonno delivered me a parcel. This is my comfort zone, this is the place where I exist. Here are my friends.
I’m travelling in time and space today. I’m going to move into my own place next week. I have a job in a coupld of weeks. So I’m leaving, doing the standard thing, being alive and moving on and doing to conveyor belt dance of hell. But I’m going to Japan, I haven’t enough room for any of my stuff. My first place on my own will be in another country and right now it seems less real to me than I have lost my room, my house has gone been drawn into another persons dance.
I keep thinking that I’m going to stop being when I’m in Japan. It’s very silly, as though the only place I exist is outside my own head. But I suppose I am going to a place where the spider-lights, the ones that tie between everyone, are very stretched and there are so many new ones that haven’t been made yet.
I feel spaced.
Japan. Lancaster. I’m back on the not quite existing trip again. I recognise here.
You don’t know me but I’ve watched you and read your thoughts off and on since your previous cam. I’m a believer in the theory that each of us should spend some portion of life in a place vastly , and to some extent uncomfortably, different from the surroundings we’re accustomed to. When I finished my own schooling some years ago i moved 3000 miles across the country to a city of millions. For a country raised kid, this was indeed a different way of life. You’ll learn true independence, see things and meet people you may never have otherwise, and figure out what’s truly important to you. Perhaps you’ll come home eventually, perhaps not. But one day you’ll be happy you took the chance, even if it doesn’t work out. And if you decide teaching isn’t where you want to spend your life, well, many folks change careers; more than once in some cases. So good luck, pleasant trip, and never leave yourself wondering what if.
"We’re all existing in some sort of limbo, dancing around each other, Foxy Jonno and Princess Lex move later this week. Changing partners moving again, houses, rooms, down the street, across town, over there, upstairs, up here, along one and two are plain"
I don’t see it as a limbo. I see as an extended family pulling together. I admit was wasn’t as much help as the super-fit Jonno
was, but there’s been a real sense of community this past week, and I for one like it.