I feel so spaced.
Everyone was moving today. FFG to the Jellicle’s place, Wrong Mike to mine except that it’s not mine anymore because all my stuff left to live at Ell and Zoes. It needs to be sorted through now, all my possesions no longer my possessions, my room no longer my room and unable to return to a place called home long ago because my parents have gone on holiday.
We’re all existing in some sort of limbo, dancing around each other, Foxy Jonno and Princess Lex move later this week. Changing partners moving again, houses, rooms, down the street, across town, over there, upstairs, up here, along one and two are plain.
But this is my last dance.
A nun asked me her way earlier. I looked so settled here that she thought I lived here, Foxy Jonno delivered me a parcel. This is my comfort zone, this is the place where I exist. Here are my friends.
I’m travelling in time and space today. I’m going to move into my own place next week. I have a job in a coupld of weeks. So I’m leaving, doing the standard thing, being alive and moving on and doing to conveyor belt dance of hell. But I’m going to Japan, I haven’t enough room for any of my stuff. My first place on my own will be in another country and right now it seems less real to me than I have lost my room, my house has gone been drawn into another persons dance.
I keep thinking that I’m going to stop being when I’m in Japan. It’s very silly, as though the only place I exist is outside my own head. But I suppose I am going to a place where the spider-lights, the ones that tie between everyone, are very stretched and there are so many new ones that haven’t been made yet.
I feel spaced.
Japan. Lancaster. I’m back on the not quite existing trip again. I recognise here.