I think I know why the ‘I want to believe’ thing bugs me. It comes across as patronising, there’s something about it that reads like whoever is saying it is looking at me like I’m three and having very literal belief in Father Christmas.
I know they do, or I suppose you do depending on who’s reading this. I tend to ignore it, everyone is supposed to walk their own path after all but it’s that tone, maybe I’m reading too much into it I don’t know. It just feels like the people saying “oh it must be so nice” to work with deities just really don’t get it and it’s relegated to leaving brandy and mince pies for Father Christmas.
Is it comforting to ‘believe’? I don’t think it’s comforting in the same way as thinking that there’s a Father in the Sky who loves you. I suppose it is comforting in the way of there is a space I can interact and I know roughly what I’m supposed to do or at least how I’m supposed to interact with it. Kind of like not being new at all job any more or knowing to go to the back door rather than the front when visiting family.
The thing is, Father Christmas, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, I could believe they were cultural tulpas, but that’s not so much what I’m talking about. I don’t believe because it’s nice, some of the rituals around my religion are lovely but working with deities is, just, it just is. It’s raw and real and not something I decided to adopt, more it feels like I’m on the right path.
Maybe I’m over sensitive. It still annoys me.