I’m calm, I’m not as relaxed as I was when I first got here but I have lost the slightly sick feeling at the pit of my stomache and the teary feeling at the back of my brain. Trust me to let my defences down at precisely the wrong moment!
In anycase the Jellicle is being very understanding. My friends are currently being fabulous…although Ell and Zoe are letting my boyfriend con them into sending a parcel I was going to send him the money to send! Hmmmm! Tut tut to the Jellicle.
Mabon was good yesterday. I’ve been thinking too much on the things that have gone wrong this year, the fuck ups I’ve caused and the friendships turned sour. Theres nothing I can do about the majority of the mistakes I’ve made this year and brooding does little good. However not everything has gone wrong; I’m in Japan, I recieve post and emails from my friends and I have a chance to step out of one of my mires to regroup and rethink without allowing its mud to traipse all over my brand new house. I have another piece of paper, I’m not so sure I should be so happy about this. Pieces of paper seem to indicate conveyor belts to me and its one step from a conveyor belt to a fish bowl and from there to my very own swamp.
Tommorrow I am going to watch sumo wrestling in Tokyo and tonight there is the teachers party. I keep trying to explain I don’t drink but I’m not sure that they’re getting it!