Nope still not fond of them. Relationships that is. A lot of people probably ought to skip this entry, it might be a long one. It’s probably going to get maudlin and most of you are going to disagree hugely which is not to say that I don’t enjoy a good heated debate on this blog and in fact encourage it but I can imagine some of you are probably bored with the subject by now.
I am not a creature suited to being with anyone else in a romantic situation for an elongated period of time. Which is not to say that I won’t try my damndest with the Jellicle Cat because I will, but…things end. All things end eventually and you know when it comes right down to it; what is the point? Of course thats an argument for doing nothing but I’ve always found it quite a liberating thought as well.
I don’t think that people should even try relationshps until they’ve got something of themselves sorted. Or at anyrate I don’t think that they should go for the socially accepted norm (a mano a mano) until they’re well out of their teens, until they have some sense of self. Actually I think that everybody ought to be locked in a room on their own with a pen, a pad, maybe some paints, a needle and thread for about a year and then they can try to be with other people. Learn to live with yourselves, if you don’t get a grip on yourself how on earth can you be expected to live with another? Live with a million others first, live with a thousand others, live with yourself then go for broke if you must.
So thats my thoughts on the rest of human society, turn and turn back to myself as I always do eventually.
I don’t trust it. I don’t trust love and I don’t trust myself when I’m in love. What can I judge the rest of you by accept my own thoughts and self added to observations. The rest of you get the benefit of the doubt, myself I don’t. I can predict the cliffs for myself and theres something that urges me on to dance at the edge of them. Theres something that wants to fall over them, to jump, to plunge and it’s most evident when I’m in love.
How is that for everyone else the constructive and beautiful is emphasised whereas I see the destruction, the lines and the blood just waiting? I’d rather have a thousand connections that just one. None would be favourite but I think that’d only happen if I could somehow blag my way into solitary confinement. Of course I would say that the worst sides of myself are in evidence when I’m in a relationship, but thats no longer true. With the Jellicle Cat the stress is minimised.
Relationships of the romantic kind seem to encourage dependancy, apathy and they lessen people. There is a book I read a long time ago called Namedropper by Emma Forrest, most people can’t stand the book and as far as I know all the reviews have been fairly dire. But it stuck with me, how people have such spark and then plunge it into nothingness, how people lessen themselves for love. No I don’t trust love and I don’t trust the threads that suck at people.
But not all relationships do, some seem to strengthen people, perhaps I admit. The difficulty is the ones that do encourage interdependancy and I don’t see them hardly at all. Why does interdependancy seem to be so hard? Why is it that couple plunge into nothingness after having such sparks?
I am musing on the general and the personal at the same time. Yes a lot of this is generalised and yes most of this is based around my slanted take on the world. So no it doesn’t hold true for every situation and it has been a while since I heard of a relationship that made me wince upon it’s start up.
As for myself. All things end. I will try to do what I do not believe in, because I can see intellectually that I probably ought to believe, because at base I am a contrary soul and because certain other people know better. And if there is a certain amount of pointlessness to it that is only because every other thing is pointless as well. When it comes down to it the only points there are, are the ones you make for yourselves. No one can ultimately judge you, only hold opinions. There is nothing unless we choose there to be and so the pointlessness of it all whilst I admit it to be a little disheartening, is also liberating.
I love the Jellicle Cat. Spider light threads merge and change and dance and never stay the same.