And that sick dread that comes before the ignominious return is upon me.
Did that sound pretentious enough? I don’t want to go. I mean I do obviously, in that I want to see everyone…only, I don’t want to go back. I want to stay in Japan.
I don’t want to return. I want to go somewhere else, be here, travel on….not travel back.
I’m not sure what I mean I guess, only that it seems like I am sinking back into something I left. Pagan Soc on Monday, Writers Guild on Tuesday, are you going to LURPS Mish? Are you going to the barcrawl?
Step up to the rotation plate. Spin around again and don’t escape.
It’s not that I don’t want to. I do want to see everyone, I want to see Lancaster and Mum and Dad etc.etc. But…I’m going backwards and that I don’t like.
I’m suddenly aware that I’m going to be going back to Lancaster a great deal. The joy of returning back to the Jellicle Cat and my gentleman friend is always going to be acompanied by the sigh of going back, returning to a past. I don’t know what I mean exactly. I don’t want to be landing in Heathrow, I don’t want to be on Larkin’s railtrack going home and I don’t want to have a drink in The Bobbin.
Except I do as well. The fact that it has changed makes things a little better I think. Perhaps.
11 thoughts on “Don’t Wanna!”
You can’t enter the same river twice!
Jez says more or less what I thought to say. I’d add that it can seem like it, however.
And that everything is always a forward journey. Sometimes it just happens to retrace earlier steps.
No philosophy, just saying we’re looking forwards to having you back, even if it’s just briefly. 🙂
Sometime’s it takes a brief dip in the what-was to make the here-n-now more real…
Mind you, I’m a nostalgia freak, and love stepping back in time….
Anyway, looking forward to seeing you and everyone else next week – albeit only for a couple of days!
I can sympathise with the feeling as though nothing has progressed/changed feeling. But your own life and world are how you create them. Someone asks you if you’re going to LURPS/Pulsar? Make a klaxon sound and do a dance before they get a chance to finish. Things don’t have to be the same for you if you don’t want them to be.
We’ll probably all be so impressed and amazed by your dive into another culture that you’ll soon be sick of the questions! Silence will become golden.
We’ll try to hold off the rain 🙂
you can, however, enter the same stagnant pond twice….
…is this a glass half-empty situation Jason?
the glass has been drained, washed up, put back upon the shelf at the back of the cupboard and left there to gather dust over a period of three years. During a hose pipe ban. In the middle of a drought. In a desert. The kind without catctii.
You know Jason, I’m not sure if you need a nice cup of tea, a thirst quenching quaff from a drinking horn or a chance to run down your enemies by moonlight and consume their fresh living blood with extreme vigour!
*imagines Jason as a ravening werewolf*
all of the above