I have a really big thing for liking this time of year. Its bouncy and with huge heavy rollercoasters of feelings. I have finally managed to listen to that George Michael song and feel nothing except a certain amount of relief. It’s amazing what being treated like an easy lay by someone you have huge bundles of feelings for will do for bad memories associated with a song.
Of course everything seems to happen at Yule, things get compressed up and stressed to breaking point and everything gets rewritten to underline what is important and what isn’t.
What is important?
I suppose my first answer to that is going to be either completely predictable or totally not; love is important. Love is this huge horrible thing but really, it’s so powerful you can’t escape from it. So I guess you either get to know it and work with it or you spend your life fighting it. I always thought I’d be spending my time fighting it, because when I get right down to it mostly the appearance or emergence of Love seemed to cause all my problems. Or maybe it was my inability to react well to it, nobody ever teaches you how to deal with it and suddenly it’s right there in front of you and if you’re very lucky you might be mature enough to cope. If you’re even luckier you have someone to hold your hand and guide you through the messy parts. No one ever describes love that way though, its all perfection and being a couple and all the rest of it, but I never found it that easy. Of course if you spend all your time fighting it then I guess sinking into Loves embrace is never going to be easy.
I find my own imperfections most difficult to deal with when in love. The fact that I can’t be as good as I want to be makes me feel as if I’m letting a lover down.
Everything compresses at Yule, all the tensions of the year into one screaming cord that you’ve chosen to wrap around yourself. I guess you start looking at the cord in different ways when its whipping against you and you start to wonder (or I do anyway) if you’re strong enough to deal with this thing that you never took the time to know except as a stated enemy.
You can heal with it or harm with it and it never loses its power. It never leaves it just curls up around you and inside you and taunts you with actions done and undone and never to be done.