I Do Wish My Mouth Had A Zip

Thanks for the help MoT! Somedays I wish I could just shut my mouth, possibly with the aid of a needle and thread. I am aware that I have probably caused offence to a few people, um… I’m not always good at expressing my meanings… or, you know, being a considerate person at times. There will be apologetic baking.

My weekend in London was nicely summed up by My Gentleman Friend so I refer you to his blog. I will say that going vibrator shopping with a man who, in a posh sex shop (the fabulous Coco-De-Mer), not only decided that some of the vibrators looked like light sabres but also decided to pick one up and wave it with the requisite sounds and of course stating ‘Luke, I am your father’…, was definately a different experience. An oddly memorable one but then last weeks vibes seems to have been a sex toy one.

I have been writing a lot this week, trying to catch up with a hell of a lot of inspirational build up thats been going on over the last couple of weeks or so. I feel like a damn just burst or something.

Caught up with FFG tonight, we had the usual argument over whether or not I was cock-starved which amused the hell out of me. He has never bought my being a lesbian. No, really guys, I am, it’s just that in this country its easier to get a guy to go to bed with me. We also had a bit of a debate over various friends and their relationships to alcohol. I suspect that FFG is one of the healthier people I know as regards his attitude to drinking. It has been a long time since I worried about myself in that regard but I did worry to the extent that I can empathise with drinking to change the way the world feels. On the other hand I think I have a handle on my addictions so lets start worrying about people other than me for a change.

Looks like FFG is going with Wrong Mike to see The 300 tomorrow night so I’m considering changing my mind over seeing that since it’s on pretty late.

I like the relationship I have with most of my ex-lovers, FFG commented that the fact I’m on good terms with most people seems odd, but I think that that’s only if you put it into the context of a normal relationship. My lovers have always been somewhere between casual sex and relationships. The fact that the strings that got tied were agreed between us rather than assumed, and usually mostly formed after the end of the affair, is what left us with friendship, with beautiful golden lights. I don’t know, the more I hear about peoples attitudes to relationships the more I am left cold and with the idea that socially acceptable and promoted relationships are unhealthy things. I know, I’m reverting, but it seems like no one trusts other people anymore, like no one believes in anything real and solid and beautiful and these social conditions bring it on. If we do not create what we strive for, if we don’t change how we view other people, how we love them, how we trust them then our world becomes empty and meaningless.

Someone pass the absinthe.

5 thoughts on “I Do Wish My Mouth Had A Zip

  1. I don’t know about ‘sides’, but the difficulty I always had with exes was that even the one that ended amicably was awkward and odd because you move from one set of behaviours into another, a straight dividing line of what one may and may not do anymore. That and jealousy made it hard to deal easily with old boyfriends (with the one exception to this being the completely non-standard r’ship and even then things got strange). MoT is right though, I think there is a certain expectation that gets played to when a break-up happens, but that isn’t to say there isn’t a reason for it underneath. ‘I’m hurting, but it’s normal and expected to feel like this, and since everyone always does, then I’ll let it out’, maybe.

  2. I’ve long held that the main reason people tend to have bad dynamics with former partners is because people assume it always happens. It’s more than possible to split up calmly and without creating sides, assuming no one’s actually stepped massively over the line.

    The odd thing about this appears to be that people will assume you mist be on opposite sides, and it’s surprisingly difficult to get them to stop.

  3. Oh, I agree that there’s an awkwardness and a… difficulty… to stepping past it (having recently seen such myself). I just hold that it’s well worth it, and that it’s not natural to come downstairs and hear your mother commenting on how you’re being mature about it.

    This may be another of those ‘acting like a nice guy shouldn’t be a point in my favour, it should be expected’ rants.

  4. I suppose with my ex-lovers, because there was always the spoken knowledge that it would end the fact that it did wasn’t usually a problem.

    To be honest the only time I’ve really had a problem moving from one set of behaviours into a more appropriate one was when I was involved with two people as part of a three. Then when they formed into an exclusive couple my subconcious/ unconcious almost seemed to refuse to catch on. Thats actually one of the few times I haven’t been able to maintain a happy relationship with an ex.

    I guess I see what you mean about changing relationships not happening smoothly and causing problems.

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