Is it me or does this path look slightly boggy?
Nearly missed a signpost there… possibly have been ignoring a few and singing ‘lalalalala’ with my eyes shut. I don’t think I’ve done what I did in the John O’Gaunt for a good three years or so and that takes me right back to Avondale.
Ok. I miss Japan, I really miss it, to the extent that I was talking about it to Mother-In-Law in the John O’Gaunt and realised I was going to start crying right there in the pub. This was not a scenario that pleased me so I fled, rather more obviously than I would have liked, to the Ladies. I was having quite a good cry until Mother-In-Law and Rabbit Girl walked in, to be honest, whilst what I probably needed right then was some time to sob I wasn’t comfortable pouring out my rather silly concerns (and one not so silly concern) to Rabbit Girl. What I really needed was a natter to Mother-In-Law but of course when we got back out to the pub not everyone had left. Thanks to the Jellicle Cat and FoxyJonno for staying… I should have just explained myself and got over it.
I shouldn’t have randomly started inviting lots of people to the picnic in the park, it was originally intended as a get together for a small group of friends and so there was a slightly strained atmosphere to parts of the gathering which I did nothing to really dissapate. I apparently have a reputation as a relatively decent hostess but I was tired and drunk from the night before and so tainted that one. I apologise to everyone who felt uncomfortable, on the other hand though, I really wasn’t the only one at the picnic and I have a right to be tired every so often.
I’m me and everyone else is everyone else. I have to trust what I get told and what I see and make my own judgements on that. I know that a lot of people disagree with me over various things and also that some people think I’m presenting myself according to what other people want to see. Maybe I do to an extent, but I don’t change that much from group to group, there are just an awful lot of facets of me. It used to be a motto of mine ‘Take only experience, leave only memories’, there are a lot of people about who remember that time rather well. I no longer live by that motto, I no longer find it so hard to discuss emotional things with people, yeah ok I’m not great at it but I’m getting better. I will continue to get better. But, I do not want my actions to hurt people and I am not about to start ignoring situations where I do cause hurt.
Yeah, Mishes do want everybody to be happy but thats a secondary concern, I’m looking for the Holy Grail and trying to do good whilst I quest for it. If you want to come too then do, but I’m not taking stragglers, I’m taking magicians, cunning-folk, cooks, wise-women, knights and questers only; Thomas run home and tell my story, go on, run boy!
If I love you, then I love you and I’ll always be around, doesn’t mean you get to come on my grail quest, sure, come for a little while, be a part of the journey but finding it is going to take work. We need to quest and be happy and I need you all to promise to look out for those of us who are questing, I mean properly, because thats what I intend to keep on doing.
So, I’m mustering, who’s with me, how long are you coming for and what are you bringing to my quest?