I wrote in another entry that I was coming to the conclusion that socially condoned and promoted relationships promoted a lack of trust and a repression of self. I think that in any relationship, be it monogamous or poly or open or exclusive or whatever that you have to be comfortable with the other person/s involved. You have to know that they love you whether it’s completely or just enough to see you once a month or whatever the relationship needs.
I was very sarcastic in Pagan Soc when I answered ‘What is love?’ but the basic fact remains (despite my saucy answer) that love is trust. Trust seems to mean to a lot of people a basic acceptance that their partner/s won’t do them any harm, that their partner/s simply by dint of being with them have accepted everything that they need to do and in turn will not even consider hurting them. I’ve seen repetition when that trust is given unconditionally of that trust being abused in the same way over and over again and it leads me to wonder whether anyone bothers with love anymore?
To me trust is the basic foundation, but I need to talk, I need to open my mouth and say things to those I love, tell them everything, babble endlessly and say what I’m feeling. I need them to do the same. For me trust and love and all the rest of it is about trusting my loved ones enough to be able to make myself vulnerable to them. It’s about daring to paint a big red target on my heart and say ‘yeah, about there, aim right there.’
The thing is, even when I was doing the open relationship thing, I needed to talk, needed to have some level of open discourse, and I suppose in the talking and the trust thing is a part of love. It’s love really, out in the spider-lights and the magic that that is. I guess that although open relationships are in some ways easier that I am more suited to polyamory. Despite my claims that I never wanted a relationship it has been suggested several times by several different people that my lovers have all been mini relationships. I suppose in some ways thats true, my desire for the short term gets the better of me and everyone knows where the endings lie. So, poly makes sense to me, loving and building a spider-web full of friends and lovers who can talk to each other, who will talk to each other because even when it’s about sex what everything is about when it comes down to it is about the web and how it pulses and grows.
Its all so golden. Gender and sex don’t matter really, what matters is people touching and connecting and talking.
Curling up with someone that you’re comfortable with and talking and kissing and all the rest, it’s so fucking golden.