I wrote in another entry that I was coming to the conclusion that socially condoned and promoted relationships promoted a lack of trust and a repression of self. I think that in any relationship, be it monogamous or poly or open or exclusive or whatever that you have to be comfortable with the other person/s involved. You have to know that they love you whether it’s completely or just enough to see you once a month or whatever the relationship needs.

I was very sarcastic in Pagan Soc when I answered ‘What is love?’ but the basic fact remains (despite my saucy answer) that love is trust. Trust seems to mean to a lot of people a basic acceptance that their partner/s won’t do them any harm, that their partner/s simply by dint of being with them have accepted everything that they need to do and in turn will not even consider hurting them. I’ve seen repetition when that trust is given unconditionally of that trust being abused in the same way over and over again and it leads me to wonder whether anyone bothers with love anymore?

To me trust is the basic foundation, but I need to talk, I need to open my mouth and say things to those I love, tell them everything, babble endlessly and say what I’m feeling. I need them to do the same. For me trust and love and all the rest of it is about trusting my loved ones enough to be able to make myself vulnerable to them. It’s about daring to paint a big red target on my heart and say ‘yeah, about there, aim right there.’

The thing is, even when I was doing the open relationship thing, I needed to talk, needed to have some level of open discourse, and I suppose in the talking and the trust thing is a part of love. It’s love really, out in the spider-lights and the magic that that is. I guess that although open relationships are in some ways easier that I am more suited to polyamory. Despite my claims that I never wanted a relationship it has been suggested several times by several different people that my lovers have all been mini relationships. I suppose in some ways thats true, my desire for the short term gets the better of me and everyone knows where the endings lie. So, poly makes sense to me, loving and building a spider-web full of friends and lovers who can talk to each other, who will talk to each other because even when it’s about sex what everything is about when it comes down to it is about the web and how it pulses and grows.

Its all so golden. Gender and sex don’t matter really, what matters is people touching and connecting and talking.

Curling up with someone that you’re comfortable with and talking and kissing and all the rest, it’s so fucking golden.

8 thoughts on “Relationships

  1. You are a true inspiration Mish, and having spoken to Mr Kiosk I have to say you’re the most unique and wonderful person I’ve met and I suspect will ever meet (Mistress Rat is elevated above us mere mortals and can’t count in this distinction)

    There is something about you which reminds me so very much of dreams and fairy tales and all those things that used to mean so much to all of us before life happened, but you kept hold of it and more than that, you gives others a glimpse of that wonderous world where everything is golden sunshine and warm summer breezes. Where you walk flowers follow.

    Please, never change, unless it’s to become more Mishy than you already are, and never ever stop loving.

  2. I agree with you.. I’ve never been as happy as those times when I have a ‘network’ of people around me. I tend to have a sliding scale of love for people rather than a distinction between love and friendship.. and for me too, what you mention about talking and making yourself vulnerable makes a lot of sense. I sometimes get the feel I blabber on too much with my need to share all of what is going on inside me and take part of what goes on inside of others.

  3. I’ll turn you into a traditionalist yet … it has started … muhahahaha

    Seriously though, Love is Trust is more of a McNugget answer on a much deeper topic. Trust is the foundation, but not the building. There is much more to love than that. Exchanging of emotions, truely understanding your partner/s, the exchanging of those golden lights… that too is Love.

    We are all jigsaw puzzles that need completing. For some, that is a single person, a yang to their ying. For others, like me, no one person could ever fill all those holes. I need those I can be compatible with mentally, spiritually and sensually.

    Anyway, I’ve waffled a bit here… if you (anyone) wants to know more, catch me and ask me.

  4. Must remember… never go near the internet in the hour or so after having done some wierdly funky magic without grounding properly.

    I think I’m going to go and write "I will not forget to ground after a ritual and I will not inflict it on others" a hundred times.

    Although to explain it, that comment was more about the conversation I had with Mr Kiosk and was only slightly related to your actual post here.


  5. I did mean it, I just would never have said it or have been able to articulate it if I hadn’t been in that state.

    Sometimes you seem like someone from Elfland and all the joy and frustration that entails 😛

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