This might not be a good entry for some of my more squeamish male friends to read.
You’ve been warned.
So today I went swimming with my mooncup. It got me thinking about periods and all sorts of stuff along those lines. See swimming and my period has always been a big thing for me. When I first started I hated tampons, I don’t think I’m alone in this, it was only after I’d medically lost my virginity (ie. my hymen had been broken) that it felt comfortable putting them in.
Now I’ve read everything about how small tampons are supposed to be perfectly fine for a virgin and not cause problems but it was uncomfortable to the point of painful for me to insert tampons, even with that sainted device, the applicator.
So swimming was out whilst I was on my period for a long time during my adolescence, thats ignoring the fact that I found periods to be absolute hell for a good while as I was just starting (until they put me on the pill).
I wonder sometimes whether my discomfort with tampons was connected with my very real dislike of larger cocks, or indeed for a long time during my adolescence the notion of any cocks or anything inside me. (Masturbation for a long time past when I lost my virginity, and even for preference now, is all about clitoral stimulation and the figures make me a very normal woman in this regard.) In anycase going swimming with a tampon inside was a big deal for me and not something I enjoyed very much, there was at first that horrible notion that it might somehow slip out in the water. I’ve also found the wearing of tampons when I’m flowing particularly heavily to be really icky. The whole issue of having gunky yuk between my thighs is also the reason why I dislike having sex on my period (usually), I mean it feels gross to start off with, it feels worse when you’re wearing a sanitary towel as well (frankly it feels like you’re wearing a nappy) but it still feels icky when you’re wearing a tampon. With the mooncup in it doesn’t feel gross. In fact my vagina feels fairly normal, presumably because the blood and ick is being caught in the cup rather than dribbling down into my bits.
Looking at the mooncup before I inserted it this morning I know that back then there is no way on earth, even after my hymen had gone, I would have been ablt to insert something that thick (about the size of an extra-flow tampon when folded up) inside myself. I think even three or four years ago I wouldn’t have. To be brutally honest I suspect its because I’ve gotten used to having reasonably sized cocks inside me. Now even after I’d shagged the guy with the ridiculously huge penis (coke-can thick and a bit less than the length of two end to end) they still really scared me and still do mostly. The idea of something that big pushing inside me really freaks me out. Of course getting me really horny so that I forget about size is a big part of foreplay…and yet, I still masturbate clitorally and when I’m with a girl I’d rather she use her fingers/tongue than a dildo.
It is fucking men that has gotten me used to things up inside me I’m fairly sure. But it’s fucking girls that’s made me comfortably able to put the mooncup actually inside myself I think. I find the notion of being fucked by a cock and of having something inside me quite an alien and invasive thing still, even though I don’t tend to describe myself as a lesbian anymore. However, putting the mooncup in isn’t really like putting a tampon in. Even when you put a tampon in with your fingers rather than with an aplicator it’s sliding something reasonably phallic inside yourself. Now the fact that it’s phallic makes sense, nature designs for compatibility (possibly with an exception being made in the case of cats) and a phallus fits nicely into a yoni, end of story. When I first had sex with a man I found myself becoming very easily quite disassociated from the act, even though I’d had sex with a girl I still didn’t really have a great knowledge of my vagina, everything sexual was clitoral and it’s perfectly easy to move away from the vagina and concentrate on the clit given their relative positions.
The mooncup isn’t phallic. Because you have to fold it to put it inside you you have to feel pretty comfortable pushing inside your vagina and I never got that way from heterosexual sex. Yeah I know that my vagina is pretty forgiving and thats down to sex with men, but I like touching it and that’s down to sex with women.
I was musing about this as I was swimming quite happily with my mooncup inside myself and not feeling gunky and gross between my thighs at all and suddenly realised that I haven’t shaved my legs in an age. This isn’t completely unknown for me but it is pretty unusual – I simply prefer less body hair on myself, blame patriachal culture if you like it’s a personal aesthetic decision, I’ve never come across another woman I minded it on. It made me giggle a bit since here I am thinking about lesbianism and how great it is that it made me comfortable with my body and of course I’m doing the stereotypical hairy-legged lesbian thing.
I guess though, if you find other women attractive it predisposes you to be more honest about your own body. You know that other women look good and so you’re more aware where you look good? Not sure really. Anyway, I’m getting tired, so goodnight all!