Inner Strength

So I was depressed in my late teens, yadadayada etc. And yeah I mean actually depressed as in with a prescription and everything, not that I think that proves a whole lot actually. Anyway, I’m reasonably sure I can count up all sorts of contributing factors that ended up with me snapping into the melancholy over my A-Levels. The thing is I know what it was that forced me to find a way out of the swamp. Something pretty awful happened to me, I was so down at the time as to be entirely numb and so it didn’t seem particularly awful, it didn’t seem not awful either, just something that happened. In anycase it pushed me into taking charge of my emotions etc.etc. The swamps always there just I got good at avoiding it. The point was that awful things happen all the time to everybody. What gets me through the swamp is knowing that really, I’m just like everybody else. People call me a freak and I’m smiling inside going wow, this outside layer is really confusing to you guys, because inside I know I’m just the same as anyone you care to mention.

Over the last few months my nice little inner strength mountain has been slowly and steadily collapsing. Most of me is just the same as everyone else, I still know that, except that I keep coming up against this one, fairly big part of myself that really isn’t. It seems to be in actual opposition to most people in fact.

Great. After ten years it turns out I am a freak. Cue adolescent angst right?

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