A Short Monologue On Women and Their Genitalia

It’s not mine, I’m hoping a few sweet words in the Naiad’s ear will placate her as to my inclusion of her monologue on my blog but I felt it needed to be said:

‘That Time Of Year Again Already??
Yet at my back I always hear, and all that – It’s almost upon us, the Vagina Monologues. Those of you who aren’t in Lancaster or even in England, I hope you will manage to get to a performance this V-Day. You don’t have to be a feminist, you don’t even have to be a woman, you just have to love the cunt. And I love the cunt.

When I last went a couple of years ago, I experienced the beautiful spectacle of 150 people chanting ‘Cunt’ – one of the most lovely words in the English language – at the top of their voices, in a church. It was gorgeous. Even if it were not for the fact that V-Day supports one of the best humanitarian efforts there is, the sheer theatrics of the show ought to attract you. I will certainly be trying to get there this year, even if I do now know almost the entire script by heart. I reiterate; there will be a performance near you, go to it. And chant, you bastards.

I need to be running off really, as I have an appointment at 2PM, but I’ve woken up in one of those moods where instead of doing my hair, I feel like sitting down and waffling on my LJ about how much I love cunt – the organ as well as the word. This may well be because B. has been in her own room for the past few nights due to my chronic insomnia, and it may also have quite a lot to to with the fact that my mother insists on saying “The C-Word” to describe this toothsome delicacy. If you must make a word ugly, then choose a word which describes an ugly thing in the first place – and you will not find one of those in the human body. You will certainly not find it on the female body, which has been perfectly formed for its purpose in life which is to say, for enjoyment and for admiring. Wouldn’t you rather have your coffee in a house where the waitresses are pretty and smiling? Don’t women just bring that little bit of extra joy into the world? Do they not, in short, make life that small part worth living? Yes, they do – and for me at least, some of that stems from the fact that every single one of them has a beautiful little haven underneath their skirts, which goes by a variety of names, but which is best described by the most eloquent of terms : Cunt.

Which isn’t to say I’m not also fond of quim, cunny, or slit, or indeed any of the other lovely words we have thought up for this little bit of paradise. Just that I quite honestly love cunt.

Which reminds me. If I hurry, I may have time for a quick coffee before my appointment.’

I’m not going to say that this little monologue doesn’t contain the Naiad’s very own special branch of brushing up against sexism but hell, human beings are gorgeous and beautiful and their bodies as well as their minds and spirits make them so.

Had lunch today with M-i-L and FJ and yeah, hell yeah, people are BEAUTIFUL. Also the vagina – delicious in it’s gorgeousity.

5 thoughts on “A Short Monologue On Women and Their Genitalia

  1. Mmm… tasty, tasty vaginas.

    Purple prose aside, life would be a lot less fun without them. I can’t say that the simple fact of women possessing them makes those women inherently more pleasing and worthwhile.

  2. See, I was reading that as ‘funniest’ rather than ‘funnest’ for a while there. It casts the entire sentence in a different light.

  3. Hmm, I see what you mean slightly. I don’t mean that women are *only* for admiring and swiving, and I should have said something that made that clearer. And yes, of course you may re-use my words.

    And Weasel – if you think that’s purple, you should read my fiction.

Leave a Reply