I doubt this will interest many people but I’ve had enough questions and conversations that I thought it warranted a blog post.
Often when I write I just dash something off. I don’t write about people and events mostly (contrary to popular opinon), what I usually write about is feelings and emotions.
Certainly events and people inspire these things but only occaisionally can I definitely say this piece is about this specific event which happened with this person. Most usually a conversation, a series of events, spark off a chain of thoughts and reactions, which is what the poem is about, often years later.
M-i-L and FJ tend to be people about whom I write, hence their being described as Muses on my little who’s who.
In anycase, once I’ve dashed off something then I decide whether to put it up as is. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. If I don’t then it actually goes through my patented editing process which is revealed behind the more button.
Theres more thought goes into my poems than I hope is evident in reading them. I suspect that this is why my poetry is currently better than my prose. I’m hoping to get a certain amount written in Peru, or at least that is the intention, we’ll see quite what happens when I get there.
First I dash something off:
I play
With loaded dice
I loaded them myself
And I’ll pay for that
If it’s any consolation
Oh I’ll pay for that
But there’s no commiseration
Needed
It’s a price well paid
It’s a prize well caught
And I’m alive
After all this…after all this
I’m alive and here
And with a little bit of thought
Due care and attention
I’ll be here
With my dice
When you come to pay the bill
Which is when, at the very end
You’ll see me standing here still
Then perhaps you’ll understand
And think the price
For my prize
For these dice
Was not worth it after all
This is not true,
It was just not worth it, to you.
Then I work through a couple of rhyme schemes, rewriting what I’ve already got:
I play with a wealth
Of loaded dice
I loaded them myself
The payment’s on ice
If that’s consolation
Though it will be paid
No commiseration
Needed, they’re well-played.
It’s a price I’ll pay
It’s a price I caught
Like a salmon, say
I’m alive or something of the sort
After all of this panned out
Paid attention, took care
None of this was planned out
I’m here and will be here.
With my dice, my friend
When you pay the bill
At the very, very end
I’ll be standing here still
Perhaps then you’ll understand
You might think the price
To be paid on demand
For my prize, these dice
It is not true
That it was not worth it
I just was not worth it, to you.
I play with a wealth
Of dice
I loaded myself.
And I’ll pay for that
Take heart if you must
Because I’ll pay for that
If it’s any consolation,
No need of commiseration.
I have survived
It’s a price well paid
I am alive.
Alive or something of the sort
Due care and attention
A little bit of thought.
None of this was planned out
Look how it panned out
With my dice, my friend
When you pay the bill
At the very, very end
With my prize,
Here still will I stand,
With these dice,
Then you’ll understand
The price paid on demand.
It is not true,
That it was not worth it,
It was not worth it