My Dad

I don’t have that bad a relationship with my parents but I do remain astonished and slightly envious when I discover friends of mine who regularly call their parents and who tell them everything. I’d kind of like to be able to do that sometimes.

However, my parents and I get on best on opposite coasts and with irregular contact. I was a difficult kid to bring up and as a teenager and adult my life choices, sexuality and relationship decisions, much as I’d love to tell them about them, are things they have deliberately chosen to remain in the dark about. In so far as they can, with the fact I’ve been publicising this stuff online since 2003.
Occaisionally I attempt to change the status quo but I’ve never found lying, even by omission a particular comfortable place so we continue the occasional contact and leave it at that.

My Dad is seriously ill at the moment and is awaiting surgery before my sister’s wedding in November. They’ve got bigger things to worry about than their relationship with me, and there’s nothing I can do to help. It also brought home to me the fact that it’s not going to change. This is it and there’e nothing I can do. They’re adults and so am I, I’ve tried to change things but they would rather concentrate on the daughter who’s doing the normal thing.

All I want to do right now is for my Dad to be better and that I could somehow apologise for being me and not trying to change myself into someone easier for them to deal with. I’ll settle for sitting here and wishing myself more comfortable with omissions too I guess.

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