I don’t know, am I taking a huge step backwards?
I used to claim that I’d opted out of the gender question, that I was just a Mish and don’t you dare put your labelling notions on me. I kind of want to do that again. It’s mostly reading up on radical feminist positions, including some sex positive ones (thanks Impysh).
I don’t like ‘gender’ being a part of my identity. Now my sex and my sexuality not a problem but gender…it just gets me angry. I am a woman, I have boobs, a vagina, the whole lot, physically this is what I’ve got to work with and though I really am hormonally swung around one week every month I don’t really hate this body of mine – it’s kind of fun to work with.
But what is this ‘gender’ thing you keep putting on me? Being female, being a girl – whenever I ask people to define it, whenever I ask what it means even of the most up to date, cool and comprehending trans person I get stereotypes. I really do.
I like running around hitting things with rubber swords. I like putting up shelves and working out how to make hinged doors into sliding ones. I like dressing up in lacey Lolita dresses. I like having a cold beer in a bubble bath.
These things are a part of my identity. Now, there are some men who are so completely obsessed with physicality that I’m never going to be able to have a ‘boys’ conversation with them. There are others who I can.
My problem when faced with other people telling me about stereotypes or the way that they perceive me personally is that it makes me want to challenge them. That was what started my boobs being flashed at The Cult’s housewarming I think – somebody making a comment about not stereotyping women as sluts because they hung around with women who didn’t flash their tits like ‘Girls Gone Wild’ – well to my drunken mind it would seem you shouldn’t stereotype any women even ones with their tits out.
That’s a side issue.
I have boobs and a vagina.
My identity is not that. I live in a woman’s body and I have a bisexual woman’s sexual identity. My sexual identity is integral to my identity but not the only part of it. I am not a girl, not a real girl, not not-a-real-girl. I’m a Mish, you want to make value judgements then get to know me first.