So, I work part-time at a manual job, I volunteer for a charity, I send political emails and letters, I’m involved in several clubs, I enjoy roleplaying and hill walking, I like to attempt to keep up with my friends across the UK and the world and I don’t like to pay too much attention to my health worries either physical or mental – I’ve never seen them as a reason not to do stuff and I tend to leave them in the background.

I find it a bit weird when other people are accutely aware of their own. However, I think I’m beginning to see their point. It’s been a stressful few weeks, my skin is hell, my lungs are hell and my brain is shot to pieces. I have had stress in pretty much every single aspect of my life mentioned above…except the hill-walking.

Each separate part of my life which has had stress has been stress of a ‘drama’ variety, except the political email and letter sending. It occurs to me that some of my readership may not know what I mean by ‘drama’ – well, ignore the sexism and follow the link to urbandictionary. (Oh and if you’re mystified by the title you might get an explanation!) So, drama, it thrives in small communities which seem to have forgotten the existence of the outside world, when there is no context it seems that even adults revert to bizarre parodies of real life I last saw at secondary school!
Oh no wait…I last saw at…oh yeah, actually never stopped seeing them since I got to primary school they just evolve into weird twisted warps of pointlessness. I guess it’s why celebrity mags sell so much – all drama seems to come down to is personal psychodramas being acted out in public without so much as a ‘by your leave’ and it’s all about stupid things like who wants to sleep with who and what someone looks like. I have honestly yet to see a piece of ‘drama’ play out that was about something important.

My own personal responses have changed over the years. I am currently missing being on the pill – wow how much did that turn me into the Mish we all knew and loved? Y’know, the not-a-real-girl who couldn’t be arsed with drama and crap, who was, in the words of a friend ‘So much easier to deal with’ than I am currently. My hormone levels have shifted and given it’s been sometime that I’ve given them to get to their natural levels I think we’re stuck with the Mish who does the crazy. Sorry – no advice on how to deal with her, she’s weird.

I get upset by drama as if it mattered. I’m pretty sure that’s hormonal. I mean I do rationalise a little while later and realise that it’s all crap but I actually get upset by it these days. Where is my floating on the outside? Where is my global understanding that these tiny-little communities and societies have forgotten that anything exists outside of them?
It’s very weird.

I had a handle once on who I was as a person and then the crazy happened. I’m trying to rebuild my handle, it’s kind of annoying I could do with having the time to re-do my adolescence with the new crazy – then I could concentrate on myself with little consequence now I have all this other stuff to do.

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