Goals, there are things that I want to get done and it seems like I am truly excellent at covering these things over with tasks upon tasks upon tasks.
Then I look at the mountain and curl up in bed.
I am not entirely coninced this is simply The Swamp, I am making such progress on the Depression that doesn’t quite present like anyone else’s depression that I am seriously questioning it. I am not neurotypical and I suspect that the things that work for Depression don’t work for this because it’s not Depression not exactly that usual laziness or procrastination.
So it’s not so much Goals as How to Achieve Them.
What do I want to achieve? I want to practice my languages every day. That’s French, Spanish, Japanese, Greek, Thai, Welsh and BSL, I know that sounds like a lot but none of these are ‘learn from scratch’ anymore. Well, ok, actually Thai may as well be beause I am finding Thai superhard.
I want my French back to where it was speaking-wise when I was sixteen and able to discuss my GCSE History in French, only without drinking first. I want my Japanese to get back up to JLPT 4 and for my Spanish to be as usable as it was when I was working in Mexico (because that was way better than anytime I’ve been in South America). My BSL and Welsh have only ever been having the odd word or phrase so I don’t really know what I want for them. I guess finish Welsh Duolingo and see where I can go from there and try and get up to BSL Level 1 for once.
I want to write in this blog once a week. Everytime I have been told I have upset people and that my writing about such and such has been misinterpreted (or sometimes entirely correctly interpreted) as being me poking my nose in where it’s not wanted I have internalised and internalised and gradually stopped writing. That brings The Swamp right on and I do mean Depression in that instance because it’s definitely the Depression that has me destroying everything that I create before it can go anywhere. I want this blog to be written in and I want to not destroy any manuscripts at all this year.
I managed so well last year at keeping fit and keeping my weight on an even keel and then we got to the end of the year and I just gained almost every pound I’d kept off and curled into a ball and stopped with the exercise. That’s another thing that’s adding to the Swamp and the feeling like I’m pushing through transparent jelly to try and achieve anything, the underlying stress of the damned pandemic. So I want to get back up to 10,000 steps a day and keep on top of Noom articles on the daily.
I also want to get on top of the house.
That’s enough goals for now.