My Letter/s B, Q …L? …A?

So what are my letters within this QUILTBAG of ours? I massively prefer using Quitlbag because I can say it as a word. I know a number of people don’t but hey this is my blog so suck it I guess.

I’m very obviously B, bisexual… I’ve just realised that my beloved Quiltbag doesn’t have a P in it… godsdamnit. Anyway that realisation was prompted by thinking about my not identifying as Pansexual. Why that is has ebbed and flowed over the years but basically comes down to the fact that gender does play into the ways I am attracted to people. I am attracted to nerds, oh so much, but I react to women and men and enbies et al differently. I’m rarely attracted to non-binary people though gender-fluid and maybe someone who is agender once or twice. There are less of them so it’s not like I’ve got a huge sample size to be honest. But I like doing different things with different gendered people, I react differently, the sex is different, so I identify as bisexual.

I love the Q, I really love the reclamation of the word Queer. There’s a lesbian I chat to on Twitter, local lass, and she absolutely hates Queer (also Dyke which I have a positive relationship with) but I find that it’s a nice generic. It’s been years since I heard it as a slur (which generationally caused an issue with me using the word in front of my parents). To me it feels like Family, like home, like an embrace. I’m hella Queer and I don’t need to get overly technical about exactly which bit and what.

Now we’re starting to get a bit weird, L, can I claim the L? I have identified as a Lesbian before now. I do love women, I am very sexually interested in women, women are pretty awesome and being a part of a lesbian focussed queer community has been an integral part of my journey to understanding my queer identity. I am however, a very bad lesbian, every so often I meet a man and remember that I am in fact bisexual. Can I really claim that the L is one of my letters? I think in the broadest sense I can, if we go back to the early twentieth century claims of lesbian and sapphism were almost an added extra to feminism… not that sex with women is for me political, I don’t think I’m particularly compos mentis when I’m in bed with someone, most reactive and instinctual when it’s good.

Ok, so that final letter then… A… I’m absolutely not asexual, not even demi-sexual, for me sex is a huge part of being in love with someone. Previously I’ve been very fond of casual sex and sex with my friends. I don’t know, maybe I’m changing my mind on that one I’m not sure. However, I am definitely on the Ace spectrum. The more deeply I fall in love the more convinced I am that I really am Greyromantic. The Jellicle has suggested that I have two modes for love, I’m either ALL THE ROMANCE or it’s deeply platonic. I’m very much All the Romance across all my relationships at the moment, NRE is fuelling love to the extent that I am looking at my Grey Romantic label and going – really? But I am, this doesn’t happen often at all so I guess I’m relishing it. So, can I claim A? I think not as a general rule, for me to say I’m on the Ace spectrum is just too confusing to be useful in general conversation but it is still my letter, I am still greyromantic.

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