Sex and Love

Oh hello; this is an oldy and a goody. Also – I’m talking about sex, if you don’t want to know about details of my sexlife then don’t read!

I really do differentiate sex and love, I think I always have. Love bugs me, because I don’t know how to turn it off. I have noticed that mostly people don’t love unconditionally, or at least they love and then they stop or they love because of x, y, z.

I don’t seem to, or at least not when you get to the ‘in love’ bit. If you end up my friend, my lover or what have you then I’ll love you and do so with the whole of my heart, given the constraints of time and physicality. But if I fall in love, then that’s me gone for – well, definitely seventeen and a half years (longest I’ve ever been in love with anyone for that had a definite end pointish). Having said that I’d still do pretty much anything for Blue Eyes, but no more than I would, say for Cornish Bloke –  probably more for CB given I see him more often.

I like sex and I like having sex with my friends, lovers, partners, those I’m in love with, those I’m not in love with. Sex does not bug me, I love the physicality of touching, I love the conversations of “Do you like it when I do this? How about this?”
Sex is easy and really, fricking awesome. Then love gets involved and that’s ok, you get comfortable with someone and you instinctively know exactly how much they’ll like it when you do this. Or you can intuit each other to the point of orgasm.  Maybe more exhausting than sex in the first instance but still damned nice.

Then you get ‘in love’ and that gets involved in sex. Part of me hates it. I mean way to overload me, amazing bloody orgasms but seriously, full on emotional connectivity with the person you’re at your most physically intimate with? That takes forever to recover from. Also I really mean ‘person’ – apart from the sheer difficulty of finding more than one person who’s in love with you in love with all the others involved in that situation – I honestly think that level of emotional intensity would kill me.

I suspect I’m unusual in this, the whole love, marriage, babies thing that is the cultural norm would seem to indicate that’s supposed to be the idea of sex; it’s all heart, soul and body. No thankyou very much, every so often is fine but I’ll take my purely for physical pleasure route more often thankyou very much. Besides it makes me appreciate my beloveds all the more.


I like to have sex more than I would be capable of were that to enter the picture all the time and I like sex for a lot of diverse reasons with different people. I can remember being irritated by a Wiccan book I read fairly early on in my teens which said that sex should only be about honouring the Sacred. Frankly I don’t feel like honouring the Sacred all the time, sometimes yes, but sometimes you just want to fuck and I’m pretty sure that’s ok.

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