I’m tired and this is probably not going to make much sense, but ok, listen (not drunk, not high, don’t have covid and am not having another mental break) you know how I was in therapy last year to basically have emotions again/connect with them? And then I was in the most emotionally securing full … Read More
Honestly it’s my reactions to CodeKitty and The Funniest that are so godsdamned weird. Running around with my lovers creating art and writing. That’s what I did, that’s what I was aiming for. And then suddenly it’s too much? I felt so attractive last year, I was really feeling driving to visit my lovers and … Read More
(Content warning Frank descriptions of my thoughts and feelings about the weekend just past) Seeing them hurt. Seeing them and realising how bad my mental health had been last year really hurt. I mean it’s still pretty bad, I’m still being stupidly gentle with myself to try and make sure the basics are happening or … Read More
(Content Warning – discussion of suicidal ideation, remember the Samaritans are always there for you 116 123) Usually when I stay in Glasgow I end up at the Leonardo on a last minute offer because it’s pretty much unused over a weekend. This weekend that has not happened and I went for the cheapest option … Read More
(Content Warning mentions therapy and ASD, there’s a frank mention of sex at the end). I’ve written here before, about two or three years into my relationship with The Jellicle about the way I feel love most within a group of interconnected loves. M-i-L has been very grateful in the past that my way of … Read More
Thé body feels everything, I can’t work out if it’s social expectation that has me locating my emotions so viscerally or if genuinely the emotions live in specific areas of the body. Obviously I’ve had covid so I’m very tired and flat out with that but also I’m very sad this week. I think the … Read More
The thing about emotions is they come across you in waves, and I do mean like the sea. There are the lapping waves that you can see coming and there’s a predictable regularity to them and then sometimes there’s a storm out deep at sea and it moves all the water around until the waves … Read More
I am glad that I know Glasgow pretty well, not only because it makes studying there easier but also because it doesn’t feel as bad as perhaps it would knowing that the last time I was here I went on a date with The Fae Ref. I suspect if I ever end up in A&E … Read More
2020 was a study in grief for me, an understanding of the sheer heaviness of it, the shaking emotion of it. Every day I had to remind myself in the morning that my father was dead, because I was terrified that I would forget and try to call him or have to relive the initial … Read More
The thing that I do love about polyamory, that I’ve loved since before the Jellicle and I started this weird loving journey of ours is how each love adds to the loves you already have. How learning to love another person, understanding and building that language with them means you add to the language you … Read More
