Today is my Dad’s birthday, he would have been 77. My Aunt was 75 this year, my Dad never reached 75 and he was her older brother. I guess I’m a bit stuck on that, probably because he was stuck on getting older than his Dad. Had a drink with my sister and Mum over … Read More
My Aunt died this morning. Though I have had a lot of women in my life I called Aunty she was my only actual Aunt. She didn’t like me much. To be fair a lot of people who were adults when I was a kid didn’t like me much, I was very annoying. I also … Read More
(Content Warning – description of seeing a suicide attempt. A lot of rambling and a lot of Mental health stuff) About six months ago I saw a girl in school uniform hanging from barbed wire under a bridge. And it totally wrecked me. I’ve been doing a lot of therapy. I’ve been doing a lot … Read More
Fucking hell. I, and – fuck it I can’t be the only one – a whole chunk of my generation, have had some bad luck when it comes to children’s tv presenters. Jimmy Saville was just too fucked up for words but at least it was – in hindsight for those of us viewers who … Read More
(Content Warning – this discusses my personal history of suicide ideation – I am frank about being suicidal as a teenager. Don’t worry I am not actively suicidal right now) I have been suicidal for the vast majority of my life. Most of my adult life has been about managing that desire/urge/background assumption. I don’t … Read More
No nicknames used here, first names only. I’m maudlin at the drop of a hat at the best of times but the other week when I had the bad reaction to the Lisdexamfetamine I genuinely wondered if I was about to drop dead that second with nary a real warning or indication it was going … Read More
Today I cried. Nominally because I was printing out massage forms for a case study and it wasn’t The Racconteur. This is the first course I’m doing that he isn’t one of my case studies. My tutor in Glasgow is never going to tell me she thinks I made him up. For the last fortnight … Read More
I am sad and happy by turns, I don’t know if this feeling of constant churn that I’ve had for the past five months is emotional normal for post mental break recovery or not so much. A lot of what I’m having trouble with is the positive emotions caused by the pre-break up relationship that … Read More
(Content Warning – talking about suicide, attempts, ideation the whole shebang, poor mental health and all that jazz) I think it was talking to Cornish Bloke soon after my Dad had passed, or possibly Tarot Pupil or The Fae Ref as we lost parents or parental figures that year within weeks of each other. In … Read More
(Content warning – descriptions of me being in pain and thinking about death, including parental death) So I had heart palpitations and a small increase in blood pressure (went from normal to pre high) following about a week on the Lisdexamfetamine and a glass of wine – although according to the doctor that didn’t actually … Read More
