(Content Warning – description of seeing a suicide attempt. A lot of rambling and a lot of Mental health stuff) About six months ago I saw a girl in school uniform hanging from barbed wire under a bridge. And it totally wrecked me. I’ve been doing a lot of therapy. I’ve been doing a lot … Read More
Today I’m exhausted and in pain. Dancing on Saturday was great but oh I’m still paying for it in codeine. I’ve been doing trauma work for about six months now and it I dunno ramped up a notch? This last week. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted as well as physically. Honestly I’ve been making progress … Read More
I called in sick to work this morning, at least partly because of the weird (wyrd?) episode I had on Tuesday. Immediately I did so I felt guilty, pulling a sicky when you work one to one with disabled people is absolutely not on. Then I couldn’t get out of bed. Not in a Depression … Read More
(More mental health stuff) This entry was supposed to be happy verging on triumphant all about how I had cleaned the toilet for the first time since Dad died. (Yes I have not cleaned the toilet in a little over three years). I would like to point out for hygiene reasons that I do live … Read More
(Content Warning – Mental health healing is messy, I suffered a mental break last year and this entry is basically stream of consciousness thoughts from therapy. Mentions CPTSD, ASD, ADHD and all that good stuff) If you want me to apologise verbally then often I need to know because a lot of times when I’ve … Read More
I struggle regularly, but especially when talking about this blog in real life, with explaining why this is on the internet. Why do I have a blog if not to in some way pose for my audience or perceived audience… and that is in some way true or at least I always thought it was. … Read More
I am sad and happy by turns, I don’t know if this feeling of constant churn that I’ve had for the past five months is emotional normal for post mental break recovery or not so much. A lot of what I’m having trouble with is the positive emotions caused by the pre-break up relationship that … Read More
Honestly it’s my reactions to CodeKitty and The Funniest that are so godsdamned weird. Running around with my lovers creating art and writing. That’s what I did, that’s what I was aiming for. And then suddenly it’s too much? I felt so attractive last year, I was really feeling driving to visit my lovers and … Read More
(Content warning – descriptions of me being in pain and thinking about death, including parental death) So I had heart palpitations and a small increase in blood pressure (went from normal to pre high) following about a week on the Lisdexamfetamine and a glass of wine – although according to the doctor that didn’t actually … Read More
When I’m stressed I lose track of time, I don’t mean like I’m late I mean I get floaty and it takes me a good couple of minutes to remember when, where and what year this is. The thing is I also lose track of information, to a much greater degree than I had realised … Read More
