(Content Warning – you’ve seen the title you know what’s coming) I started this blog in my early twenties. I am now forty three. There has been turmoil about my sexuality and there have also been suicidal thoughts. To be fair I’ve mostly tried to avoid or make light of the Swamp. These days the … Read More
(Content Warning: Suicide, recent real world suicides my own thoughts on my own mental health, don’t read if you’re not in the right place) Today I heard a man I barely knew but had had some intense online conversations with over the pandemic had killed himself. He was a LARP photographer so he had touched … Read More
(Content Warning: Mentions my own suicidal ideation and preferred method) Turns out you probably can be Depressed without being suicidal. I guess that’s something of a learning curve. I haven’t been suicidal in a really long time, like I think over a year. I don’t think I’d properly absorbed that. I’m suicidal again, I don’t … Read More
(Content Warning – description of seeing a suicide attempt. A lot of rambling and a lot of Mental health stuff) About six months ago I saw a girl in school uniform hanging from barbed wire under a bridge. And it totally wrecked me. I’ve been doing a lot of therapy. I’ve been doing a lot … Read More
(Content Warning – this discusses my personal history of suicide ideation – I am frank about being suicidal as a teenager. Don’t worry I am not actively suicidal right now) I have been suicidal for the vast majority of my life. Most of my adult life has been about managing that desire/urge/background assumption. I don’t … Read More
I have a horrific fascination with cults. Especially the sort of really dodgy ones with a personality st the centre persuading the members to do horrific things. Obviously I have a fascination with suicide cults – it’s not really my suicide ideation st play there though, it’s more about a fascination with what the human … Read More
I am sad and happy by turns, I don’t know if this feeling of constant churn that I’ve had for the past five months is emotional normal for post mental break recovery or not so much. A lot of what I’m having trouble with is the positive emotions caused by the pre-break up relationship that … Read More
(Content warning – descriptions of me being in pain and thinking about death, including parental death) So I had heart palpitations and a small increase in blood pressure (went from normal to pre high) following about a week on the Lisdexamfetamine and a glass of wine – although according to the doctor that didn’t actually … Read More
My sense of time is… to be honest I’m not sure I really have one. I don’t mean the way I’m often late to things but that I can’t tell sometimes when or how things happen, like I need to really think in order to anchor myself in the timing on any given thing. I … Read More
(Content Warning – discussion of suicidal ideation, remember the Samaritans are always there for you 116 123) Usually when I stay in Glasgow I end up at the Leonardo on a last minute offer because it’s pretty much unused over a weekend. This weekend that has not happened and I went for the cheapest option … Read More
