(Content Warning – discussion of my own suicidal ideation though not in an immediate sense, thoughts about Death)
Apparently more people still read this blog than I thought – hi Archie! And I mean still, we’re talking twenty years of this thing come October. Archie is my longest subscriber.
It’s reasonably well known that I have long term issues with suicidal ideation, my name for my Depression is The Swamp. It’s been around for a while and I hold it and them at bay by deliberately thinking about death.
I even have an app these days that reminds me about death five times a day, my nickname for that app might be Goth Mindfulness but it’s actually a Bhutanese idea and the app is called WeCroak . I thoroughly recommend it.
All this to say that the messages have been appreciated but I am by no means suicidal – I would be posting about that much less obliquely if I were.
Ironically enough there’s a lot of strengthening against the inner voices of the Swamp to be found in last summer. Being sad is ok, it’s a feeling that shows how much things meant. Depression is something that takes the sadness and twists it just enough that you end up off the path and struggling in the mud. And the thing is, since the girl under the bridge things have been twisting and twisting but I’m doing better than I ever have against those voices. I have some Truth Snakes set loose in this Swamp and they’re doing great at keeping me close to the path and biting the heads off wil o the wisp voices.