(Content Warning: Oh gods Emotions and THERAPY AGAIN?????!!!) I heard about the death of a friend and my hands began to grieve. I could feel him under my hands, the sensations, the curves in his spine. In 2020 I got really familiar with the heaviness of grief. It felt as if I was weighted to … Read More
CW: Mentions of assault, personal trauma, suicidal ideation and men being awful. It’s a bit of a vent to be honest. I am simultaneously very good at reading people and very good at not seeing obvious things. One of the podcasts I listen to (which I really hope is not run by a TERF but … Read More
I can tell I missed my anxiety meds this morning, I am plagued by thoughts dancing around telling me what a disappointment I was to my Dad. I think that coming up to this first anniversary we are all going to find things hard. I wish I’d been well when he died, I wish I … Read More
I think that of all the emotions grief is my least favourite.
Once, when I was ten or eleven and I and my family were on holiday in the south of France, we went to a beach the day after a storm. The waves were like nothing I’d seen before and like nothing I’ve seen since, though I’m sure they grew in my imagination. In my memory … Read More
I had today off. I spent it dyeing my hair. I played some Minecraft on a shared server and some multiplayer Stardew Valley. It was all very gentle and mostly involved making things look nice on a screen. I didn’t go out all day and I feel so much less stressed than I have in … Read More
I had today off. I spent it dyeing my hair. I played some Minecraft on a shared server and some multiplayer Stardew Valley. It was all very gentle and mostly involved making things look nice on a screen. I didn’t go out all day and I feel so much less stressed than I have in … Read More
Last night I went to bed without my pyjamas on, not an unusual circumstance but drifting off to sleep I was aware that it has hit autumn and it is too cold to sleep nude now. Anyway about four am I wake up for no good reason (I’m warm, my brain is just convinced I … Read More
I am thirty seven. I have no children. I am not displeased by this but I am surprised. I had assumed that I would end up with children no matter what I tried to do with my life. The notion that what I do, what I aim for and what I attempt actually affects my … Read More
1.What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before? Got pushed on a roundabout by the Bonsai Kaiju 2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I mostly kept them, failed at some and I will continue to make more next year because I find … Read More
