This year was the year I started to really feel things. I did so much therapy last year, I really worked on things, so for all Reddit poly people can jump on my descriptions of my feelings towards The Fae Ref and Beautiful Lute and declare I’m an NRE addict, what remains is that this … Read More
I had forgotten how much of a physical feeling heartbreak is. The first time my heart was broken was just before Christmas, possibly even Christmas Eve, I had a secret boyfriend and I had to go up to the payphone the otherside of the village to call him and talk to him without my parents … Read More
(Content Warning: Attempted Suicide, Violence, gory description, mentions of my own problems with suicidal ideation) FJ and I sat down tonight and drank the last of my good whisky. I had about a triple I suspect. I haven’t needed a drink like that in a long time but tonight I really did. I need to … Read More
(Content Warning: Oh gods Emotions and THERAPY AGAIN?????!!!) I heard about the death of a friend and my hands began to grieve. I could feel him under my hands, the sensations, the curves in his spine. In 2020 I got really familiar with the heaviness of grief. It felt as if I was weighted to … Read More
CW: Mentions of assault, personal trauma, suicidal ideation and men being awful. It’s a bit of a vent to be honest. I am simultaneously very good at reading people and very good at not seeing obvious things. One of the podcasts I listen to (which I really hope is not run by a TERF but … Read More
I can tell I missed my anxiety meds this morning, I am plagued by thoughts dancing around telling me what a disappointment I was to my Dad. I think that coming up to this first anniversary we are all going to find things hard. I wish I’d been well when he died, I wish I … Read More
I think that of all the emotions grief is my least favourite.
Once, when I was ten or eleven and I and my family were on holiday in the south of France, we went to a beach the day after a storm. The waves were like nothing I’d seen before and like nothing I’ve seen since, though I’m sure they grew in my imagination. In my memory … Read More
I had today off. I spent it dyeing my hair. I played some Minecraft on a shared server and some multiplayer Stardew Valley. It was all very gentle and mostly involved making things look nice on a screen. I didn’t go out all day and I feel so much less stressed than I have in … Read More
I had today off. I spent it dyeing my hair. I played some Minecraft on a shared server and some multiplayer Stardew Valley. It was all very gentle and mostly involved making things look nice on a screen. I didn’t go out all day and I feel so much less stressed than I have in … Read More
