(Content Warning – description of seeing a suicide attempt. A lot of rambling and a lot of Mental health stuff) About six months ago I saw a girl in school uniform hanging from barbed wire under a bridge. And it totally wrecked me. I’ve been doing a lot of therapy. I’ve been doing a lot … Read More
(Content Warning: Mental Health stuff including mentioning suicidal ideation) I have been Depressed pretty much as long as I can remember, I have a name for it even, The Swamp. Maybe the stuff pre seven years old wasn’t Depression per se but some of those thoughts are at the very least concerning with hindsight. This … Read More
(Content Warning – Discussion of mental health and ASD) The time before this one that I was in therapy and the first time I went into Sertraline was all to do with dulled emotional responses or emotional responses in the wrong places. Well therapy this time around has me thinking that something linked is going … Read More
(More mental health stuff) This entry was supposed to be happy verging on triumphant all about how I had cleaned the toilet for the first time since Dad died. (Yes I have not cleaned the toilet in a little over three years). I would like to point out for hygiene reasons that I do live … Read More
I think that I’m naturally quite a cheerful and confident person. I suspect that seems ridiculous to assert but I really do see my Depression, complete with its suicide ideation, as being separate to my self. The way I’ve always dealt with it, from my teens until present day, is by seeing it as a … Read More
(Content Warning – Mental health healing is messy, I suffered a mental break last year and this entry is basically stream of consciousness thoughts from therapy. Mentions CPTSD, ASD, ADHD and all that good stuff) If you want me to apologise verbally then often I need to know because a lot of times when I’ve … Read More
(Content Warning – this discusses my personal history of suicide ideation – I am frank about being suicidal as a teenager. Don’t worry I am not actively suicidal right now) I have been suicidal for the vast majority of my life. Most of my adult life has been about managing that desire/urge/background assumption. I don’t … Read More
Spent the day with M-I-L playing puzzle games while FJ is in London. Gossip, decorative style and writing were the topics of the day. She is much better and more organised at writing research than I am, surprising no one I would guess. It was a good day. Then I drove home in the rain … Read More
Today I cried. Nominally because I was printing out massage forms for a case study and it wasn’t The Racconteur. This is the first course I’m doing that he isn’t one of my case studies. My tutor in Glasgow is never going to tell me she thinks I made him up. For the last fortnight … Read More
I am sad and happy by turns, I don’t know if this feeling of constant churn that I’ve had for the past five months is emotional normal for post mental break recovery or not so much. A lot of what I’m having trouble with is the positive emotions caused by the pre-break up relationship that … Read More
