Today was another hospital day to follow up on my having testosterone doing weird things and too much cortisol in my system. To follow up I have to pee into a bucket for twenty fours again as they think that my cortisol should be going down. In other words they were worried I might have … Read More
(More mental health stuff) This entry was supposed to be happy verging on triumphant all about how I had cleaned the toilet for the first time since Dad died. (Yes I have not cleaned the toilet in a little over three years). I would like to point out for hygiene reasons that I do live … Read More
(Content Warning – talking about suicide, attempts, ideation the whole shebang, poor mental health and all that jazz) I think it was talking to Cornish Bloke soon after my Dad had passed, or possibly Tarot Pupil or The Fae Ref as we lost parents or parental figures that year within weeks of each other. In … Read More
When I’m stressed I lose track of time, I don’t mean like I’m late I mean I get floaty and it takes me a good couple of minutes to remember when, where and what year this is. The thing is I also lose track of information, to a much greater degree than I had realised … Read More
I just got off FaceTime to my Mum in which I did a reasonable impersonation of snorting cocaine slightly to the side of the screen. This is obviously because today I got a prescription for Lisdexamfetamine and the doctor had to give me a briefing about not taking illegal drugs or alcohol with it. I … Read More
I dissociate, I dissociate a lot and when I get stressed I dissociate even more. It’s a real problem and it got a lot worse over the pandemic. Ok, it’s not a problem when I go to the dentist, at the dentist it’s actually massively useful because then I don’t freak out about the horrible … Read More
I get very frustrated with my brain of late. I’ve been too tired to get out of bed for most of last week. If I was out of bed I was at work. I haven’t done yoga in about three weeks. There’s a constant toing and froing in my thoughts asking if this is physical … Read More
(Content Warning – this is more me naval gazing about my own poor mental health, mentions suicide) The thing about the writing part of trauma informed therapy is that you end up going off into the things you need to examin to get past them. And mostly the stuff I’m trying to get through is … Read More
(Content Warning: More mental health stuff) It has been a standing joke for as long as I can remember that despite not being born Catholic I automatically feel guilty about everything. Some of this I put down to Anxiety… ok I’m easing off a bit on the ‘I have never had anxiety it was misdiagnosed … Read More
M-i-L suggested that all the awful at the end of last year was to balance out all the good stuff over the summer. Well, it’s still happening and I’m not a fan. The thing about the heights of feeling last year, the sheer ecstasy is that this year I have the lows. The physically painful … Read More
