Losing Track

When I’m stressed I lose track of time, I don’t mean like I’m late I mean I get floaty and it takes me a good couple of minutes to remember when, where and what year this is.

The thing is I also lose track of information, to a much greater degree than I had realised and on top of that the inability to appropriately process information. Through therapy I’m learning quite how bad my information processing is in some regards.

I’ve always thought I was quite smart, hell I am quite smart, but only sections of my brain are and weirdly enough they’re to do with pattern finding and memory. So if I’m stressed enough that they’re turned off the other bits just don’t compensate for them, ASD doesn’t have to be a learning difficulty or difference but I’m confident that mine, with its information processing problems, is.

I am much more vulnerable than I ever thought I was, I’ve been aware forever that I was very easy to lie to, I just believe people. But I’ve always thought that I’ve got instincts honed by CPTSD, I can spot the real problems. Turns out only if they conform to the patterns I know and also only if my brain isn’t otherwise turned off.

My trauma response of dissociation is useful if I’m using it to visit the dentist but it’s very extreme and it actively prevents the bits of my brain that I need to be a functional adult from operating.

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