Suicidal Ideation Is Back

(Content Warning: Mentions my own suicidal ideation and preferred method)

Turns out you probably can be Depressed without being suicidal. I guess that’s something of a learning curve.

I haven’t been suicidal in a really long time, like I think over a year. I don’t think I’d properly absorbed that. I’m suicidal again, I don’t mean actively, there’s no immediate danger of Morecambe Bay acquiring the extra shrimp food of a Mish body. But I woke up today and that background feeling of “I can always just kill myself” was right there.

This was not the worst thing. I suspect the worst thing was the familiarity. There’s a comfort in it being back. I recognise this Depression, it’s mine as opposed to feeling like I’m out of my own body. It would be nice to be back here without the weird comfort of knowing I can walk into the most drownable bay in England.

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