Thé body feels everything, I can’t work out if it’s social expectation that has me locating my emotions so viscerally or if genuinely the emotions live in specific areas of the body.

Obviously I’ve had covid so I’m very tired and flat out with that but also I’m very sad this week.

I think the last few months have writ large to me how people die of heartbreak. Why long married people just go when their spouse dies. The hurt of losing someone after loving them for that long must be an agony. The physical pain, just ache of it is like nothing else. I hate it. I hate how fatigue and emotions and covid run into each other.

I think I do have a problem with feeling some things, my emotions are more simplistic than complex and the numbing via trauma and sertraline for about ten years essentially shut down the rest for a bit. This though, this feeling of prolonged heartbreak, it’s a lot. I need to take a breath, I need to pause before I jump because honestly it’s my impulsivity and thoughtlessness that is the root cause here and that just makes everything worse.

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