LARP and Emotional Waves

The thing about emotions is they come across you in waves, and I do mean like the sea. There are the lapping waves that you can see coming and there’s a predictable regularity to them and then sometimes there’s a storm out deep at sea and it moves all the water around until the waves are huge.

Huge waves have a massive undertow. They pull you right in until you can’t tell which way is up anymore and then if you’re lucky you’re suddenly at the surface and swimming in the nicely predictable waves again.

I came into this LARP intending on being tortured and abused. Last night my twin sister and I discovered that the man who was romancing her would happily take both sisters, there followed some nicely awful plumbing of his memories and then a sweet scene of hand holding between the sisters and their prospective Toreador Sire. That was what made me uncomfortable and it being me, that took me a little while to understand why I felt so desperately sad.

I miss Thé Fae Ref and Beautiful Lute. I miss them so awfully much. I miss having plans, having the idea of building a different sort of future together and I’m feeling again that grief of having everything suddenly gone. No take-backs, no do-overs, just gone.

So I’ve asked for minimal sweetness involving me, it’s too much, let’s feed into the awful, it’s much easier to cope with.

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