The Womanizer – Sex Toy Review

(Content Warning: This is a Literal Sex Toy Review and me talking about me masturbating and genital piercings – don’t read it if you don’t want to know)

So a friend of mine finally made me curious enough to buy a cheap version of Lily Allen’s favourite sex toy. It’s still a Womanizer – I didn’t dare try a total knock off. Anyway, it’s bright pink and cost me a bit over twenty quid rather than the over a hundred that Lily Allen said worked wonders in twenty seconds unless you fancied multiple orgasms in which case just keep going.

Anyway, it arrived this week, I charged it up (because believe me I am not doing the ‘it’s run out of battery just before I got there’ dance) and then I gave it a go.

The first thing I looked up before buying was how the Womanizer interacts with clitoral hood piercings. All the official stuff by them states that if you’ve got piercings remove them before using, I suspect this maybe why I didn’t bother to buy one before, but I read some bits and pieces online by women with actual piercings and it seemed like my clitoral hood piercing was fine rather than a direct clitoral piercing. I would just need to be a bit careful about my angle to use it with the piercing still in.

(Side note, if I ever have to go for an MRI I seriously think I’m going to need bolt cutters to get this thing off…)

So ok, it’s got this weird suction cup thing, tested it on my thumb and boob to get an idea of how it works – you want a seal around the area to get the sensation. My first problem, it’s not so much that I have a long clitoris and clitoral hood but I do if we’re trying to also encompass the jewellery. A quick look online and yes indeed the fancier models do come with different sizes for the suction opening. However, a little angling of the jewellery and with the suction cup not directly on the clit but rather centred on the upper barble of the jewellery (oh… you mean like how every other sex act with your jewellery works Mish? What a surprise…) and everything fit enough that I could actually get the suction going.

It’s an interesting sensation, I wouldn’t say it’s directly analagous to oral sex, or maybe I just haven’t been enough of a fan of sucking to make the comparison accurately, however the effect produced was very similar to oral. It was, odd, not unpleasant but not the direct – oh yes I’m going directly to orgasm feeling of my trusty bullet vibrator.

Maybe I’ve just gotten dull in my old age when it comes to sex toys, or perhaps just too practical, yes I shall have an orgasm, come here little bullet vibe. Even Lelo is for when I want to feel fancy but still want a predictable outcome.

Also, I should point out why I’m thinking about MRI machines. This isn’t a silent toy, now, I admit the more expensive ones might be quieter and maybe the fact it wasn’t the usual buzzing sound made me feel like it was louder than it was. However it sounded like a pheasant trying to take flight! Or maybe a very tiny helicopter between my thighs!

Anyway, I digress, it was nice, and I played around with the angle, I made the mistake I usually make of seeing what the higher settings were like and – nope, not with the piercing, too much sensation is too much. I’m mostly just gently enjoying the sensation and the build up is so gradual that I wasn’t really aware of it, which is pretty much what I find about oral sex too.

I feel like I was almost stealthed into orgasm, which I’ve never had during masturbation before! And it wasn’t the surface level, you can see what I’m doing and how I’m getting you there, of the normal vibrator on my clit. If I didn’t know better I would have said there was g-spot stimulation going on (nope, wasn’t penetrating with anything I promise!), my speculation is that it’s the type of pressure and sensation exerted on the clitoris, like it’s stimulating the whole structure rather than just the bit a usual vibrator stimulates where it touches. In anycase I was gently eased towards orgasm but the orgasm itself was anything but gentle, it was very full on!

I did stop at one, but the sort of sensation, the depth of it, I can see how you can get to multiple orgasm from this kind of play.

All in all, yes I suspect the high-end ones are worth the money, seriously think about the size of the suction cup bit if you have piercings or if you have a notably long clit, and expect the sensation to be different. If you really don’t like oral, or you only really like the pressure of a tongue this might not be for you, but if it’s just not your favourite bit then I think the fact it’s not a perfect replica of oral shouldn’t be enough to put you off.

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