Spent last night in a bar encouraging certain roleplayers to abuse me in character, most of whom I had never met before. I was feeling very confident last night, apparently GermanLu talking about my vagina in a cocktail bar to total strangers feels weirdly like home.

Sometimes I do become aware that I am a very strange person.

However, I am laying down and thinking that I’m not as resilient as I wanted to be going into this game. I’m not where I was when I signed up and I don’t know if I can actually manage the type of play that I really wanted to. A lot of that is down to last week, but to be honest the fact that I reacted quite as badly to last week just shows that I am emotionally fragile as a baseline right now.

The roadtrip with BBF and Canadian Foodie was great fun, we had lunch in a pub and then I drove down a lot of very winding, very pothole filled country roads in Devon to get to a venue that is doing the ’embarrassed about roleplayers’ thing.

I wish I was where I was in the middle of 2019, pre-pandemic, pre being unceremoniously dumped, pre just fucking everything. But I’m not, where I am is wondering what my room-mate is going to be like and how much game I can give this weekend. I hope I get to play with the Spanish Lovecraft Fan I met, I suspect the Pirate is going to play a lot with CF but maybe a bit with me too.

It’s weird, some of the nerves are because I’m here with other people rather than completely solo. Some of the nerves are because I wanted certain play out of this but I don’t really have a backup plan for not being capable of it.

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