The First Person I Came Out To

Gods I don’t even know who counts anymore.

I guess the first girl I kissed, the girl on holiday because to be honest until I actually kissed her I’m not sure I was really out to myself, it was all just very theoretical at that point.

When I told my best friend at the time then I suppose that was me coming out. She obviously told the entire school the next time I was off sick so I guess I was outed rather than coming out. Except that then I had to confirm that yes I liked girls… this would have been in 1998? Maybe 1997 but I think it was the Spring Term of ’98. In any case I’m pretty sure that there was a twat of a guy who asked for confirmation that morning I was back in the common room and then he made some kind of sexist remark, which actually indicated I was in someway desirable. Or at anyrate my hormone addled teenage mind took it that way and felt weirdly cheered.

Yes, yes I know how problematic that is but honestly, being outed isn’t pleasant and so I was grasping for anything that made that particular situation better.

So I guess I came out to Swan first and then a number of my fellow pupils in quick succession. It was all pretty horrible really, friends checking in if I secretly fancied them, boys making thoughtless horny remarks… weirdly they did make me feel better.

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