Exorcism or Just An Exercise in Pain?

Last night I got a message inviting me to a birthday celebration at the end of March. It’s at the place Beautiful Lute and I roleplayed in immediately before our first date last year. On the weekend of her birthday.

I figure it would give me a chance to hang out somewhere with people and maybe do some love exorcism without spending her birthday moping around. It’s the weekend after an event she’s heading to and I figure she’ll be being romantic with the Fae Ref that weekend. I message Bunni that I’d love to go to their birthday and then in real Mish-soap-opera style it turns out that this is Bunni’s joint party with Lute and she ensured I was invited.

So now I’m looking at spending her birthday in the place we had our first kiss whilst she’s with both of her partners right there. Which would I suppose make sure I twisted all possible pain right out before Empire and any chance encounters.

Maybe by then I shall be much more sanguine than I am right now? I think the part of being the one who’s not still involved after a triad breaks up is that the other two have moved on from you to the point that your missing them is alien to them. In some ways this feels a little like Giggles and FFG being so blissfully into each other that any negatives I felt were taken as unimportant, even by me. Maybe I am being over the top, but it does seem like it might be a bit on the emotional side, our first kiss, her birthday, both her partners being there. And them clearly already being well past the point of over me which I guess my ego is sad over, whereas I still think this will hurt in a couple of months.

I think it’s not solely my instinct to hurt myself that’s telling me to go here but also to get the pain over with so that it’s done in an anticipated manner rather than blindsiding me in the future.

I guess at least I can make her a cake again this year.

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