I had promised myself that I would see meerkats today. There is a burst pipe so the meerkats (and other animals) are closed. I am really quite sad about this.
![](https://www.luvlymish.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/img_9945.jpg)
I am therefore looking at previous meerkat pictures. Someone suggested that perhaps I was especially sad because I had LARPdrop. I said maybe but I didn’t really mean it. I tend to find I get LARPdrop after spectacular events, more often get a real buzz after a LARP and then may get drop after the buzz has worn off. But this last event wasn’t a spectacular event. It was, ok, it was, fine, I didn’t mind it.
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I was sad because I didn’t get to see someone who had been making my event special last year. That was thrown into sharp relief by quite how quickly I went to go hug The Fae Ref when he messaged me. But no Beautiful Lute.
I don’t connect with people very often, most spiderlight threads are thin and sparkly and they don’t exactly go both ways. I make people feel good, I put effort into relationships and I’m told I’m good at it. But the connections don’t often flow both ways.
![](https://www.luvlymish.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/img_9944.jpg)
There’s always that moment for me after relationships end of realising that I was in a totally different place to everyone else involved, that my emotions were off doing there own thing and the connection I thought was there was a mistake.
I still got that this time, spectacularly so in some ways, but there were connections too just not all the places I thought they were.
And now I’m off centre through real world emotions rather than a mismatch between my real life situation and the way my hobby makes me feel.
![](https://www.luvlymish.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/img_9959.jpg)
And no meerkats today which feels unfair.