I Want to Believe

I find the phrase ‘I want to believe’ such a strange one. I guess I particularly associate it with men who are about ten or fifteen years older than me. Blame David Duchovny and Fox Mulder for that one I guess.

I find belief sort of a difficult concept to be honest.

I can say “oh yes I believe” and struggle to explain that of course I don’t ‘believe’ because things just are almost within the same breath.

I think it’s Christianity causing problems again. The idea of ‘belief’ being in the face of no evidence or of being despite the contrary seeming true. But the shorthand for “I’m religious” or “I work with deities” is talking about belief. When speaking about my own practice notions of belief seem almost ridiculous. Yes I believe in The Jellicle Cat, she lives with me, yes I believe in my garden gate, I use it several times in a week… but I have to say I believe in Ceridwen, in Loki, in Pacha Mama because… other people don’t have that relationship. They don’t sleep next to The Jellicle or open my garden gate regularly either.

At the same time I don’t expect people to follow the same path as me or to believe in my gods. But the concept of belief is still one I struggle with internally. Oh and then the idea that some people ‘want’ to believe?

I just don’t understand, I can’t conceive of how, if you didn’t think these people existed, you would want to have relationships with them? Because it seems comforting? Because opening your garden gate is something I’ve heard of and it seems nice?

It just seems bizarre. Yet people want to? It’s weird to me.

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