The Gamble

Am I just waiting to die?

I have no idea, probably if I’m going to get hit by covid19 at it’s height then I’ve already got it. If I’ve already got it I’m not sure that theres any amount of cleaning of my client’s surfaces or wearing of masks and gloves that will help. But if I stop going in on a maybe then I’ve definitely caused serious problems.

Am I over reacting?

It’s the uncertainty of it. I am only just outside of the boundary of the at risk group. But then I can’t imagine that, considering if I get ill then I get *really* ill, if I had the coronavirus that I wouldn’t notice. I don’t feel ill, just tired and then just normal tired.

It’s also the feel that not much has changed for me, I have weeks of hardly any shifts and weeks of lots of shifts normally and this just feels like a week with less shifts. It’s this horrible ‘before’ that you get just before a battle (yes my experience is LARP battle only), you know it’s coming but you don’t know exactly when until the arrows start flying.

The arrows are already flying elsewhere, it’s just it hasn’t hit right here yet. I can’t see the damn wasp in the room yet but I know it’s here.

I’m really tired, stress tires me so much and there’s a lot of it right now.

Everything in life is a gamble, you hope that you get the odds right and you hope that you acted right with those odds. Have I got it right? I won’t know until/unless I get ill, and even then will it be the hospital trips or some random exposure when I went to Spar?

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