2020 was a study in grief for me, an understanding of the sheer heaviness of it, the shaking emotion of it. Every day I had to remind myself in the morning that my father was dead, because I was terrified that I would forget and try to call him or have to relive the initial … Read More
I just found out a man who, if I’d given any thought to over the past few years I would have assumed was dead, died today. Aged 99, I can imagine him being disappointed he didn’t make a century actually. https://www.caistorcitizen.co.uk/?p=10435&fbclid=IwAR0lCTgrnn-b3bpukB1D5ySy6xXyqTj8rm0YRq4nZKVENzYP1hQxcT7bdjU He was secretary at my school, well no actually, he’d retired by the time … Read More
Dame Vivienne Westwood died today. I suspect the fact that that matters to me is going to hit a bit weird for people who don’t know either about the fact I love Lolita fashion or her influence upon it. EGL is punk, hell all of Lolita is punk, it’s rebellion in a distinctly feminine form. … Read More
I’m at a bar in Lancaster, theres about twelve of us meeting up because all the WoW players have heard about this new FestLARP called Empire and we’re talking about setting up a group. There’s someone who isn’t there who is mentioned enough that it feels like there’s an empty chair near the bar. He’s … Read More
One of the things I’m doing these days is heading into a care home on the regular. Today I went in and there was a white haired old lady looking vague as she slowly walked along the landing. I stepped to one side to let her and her stick get past. Sometime later in my … Read More
I love The Princess but her attitude to death I find weird. It really bugged me her not wanting to talk about the serious bits after Dad died and how she actively flinched from his box of ashes. I’ve been thinking a lot about death this week because it’s been a year since Dad died. … Read More
I can tell I missed my anxiety meds this morning, I am plagued by thoughts dancing around telling me what a disappointment I was to my Dad. I think that coming up to this first anniversary we are all going to find things hard. I wish I’d been well when he died, I wish I … Read More
Content warning: Mention of the death of a parent Ancestors. Whew. Ancestors. Dad died last year and that was heavy. There were a number of festivals and symbls before I could speak a toast to him. There was a great deal of comfort in his having visited one Yule and participated in a symbl. My … Read More
Wednesdays this year have been grim in the extreme. This afternoon my Grandma died. My Mum is having a truly awful year. I am weirdly numb right now, there’s no space in my brain or my heart for anything, possibly by anything what I mean is acknowledging whatever is happening. Wednesdays have been truly grim … Read More
Here I am still going out and working in Tier 3 with a vulnerable adult who is getting more vulnerable (absolutely due to lack of stimulation caused by lockdown). I’m basically betting on my O-negative blood beating out my dodgy immune system and sucky lungs. I’m not as nervous as I was back when no … Read More
